Bye bye sadness, hello happiness

By Dr Margaret Mwenje

Last Christmas I had the pleasure of hosting my four nieces, all of whom are barely 10 years old. The experience was wonderful as it reminded me of my childhood. As I watched them play and laugh heartily to the point they experienced hiccups and stomachaches, a numbing nostalgic feeling swept through my veins.

I began to ponder why I could no longer laugh like them. As a young girl, I had this contagious laughter that lit a dull room. I am now in middle age and it is all gone.

All I have left are brief mechanical smiles, hugs, and laughter and cold handshakes. Could it be that I have become too sophisticated? I am not sure.

Our childhood innocence is all gone and with it the spark that tickled us to smile and laugh genuinely. Unlike the children, we have relegated our happiness to a project for the future.

We have decided that we shall become truly happy when we get that promotion, when our children jump out of teenage or complete college, when we finish our masters or doctoral degree programmes, get a pay raise, move to a bigger house or buy a new car. So we walk gloomily along the streets waiting for the big vision that we hope will make us truly happy.

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We wait for the day we shall afford a dream house, the day we will shed some few pounds, the day we shall afford a holiday to Hawaii or buy a luxury car. In the interim, we smile mechanically ignoring the small and precious beautiful things God has given us. We forget to smile that we enjoy good health or have a roof over our heads.

Taking charge

We also entrust our happiness on other people. Some people hold the notion that when Mr Right finally knocks on their door he will shower their lives in happiness.

Others are still waiting for their bosses to okay that promotion so that they can finally smile. Others feel that a baby boy or girl will complete their world. We also wait for the day our in-laws will finally accept us then we shall feel great. So we remain gloomy waiting for other people to make us smile.

In essence, we have refused to take charge of our happiness. True happiness does not come from out there. It comes from the inside. If you depend on other people to make you happy, you will be left miserable when they abandon you or when they don’t meet your expectations. Take control and responsibility for your own happiness. Enjoy your life now.

When we hold on to sad memories, we stubbornly refuse to see what a bright future there is ahead of us: we sit down on a muddy spot comfortably seeking sympathy instead of rising up to walk on; we keep reminding ourselves those unkind words our Standard One teacher or friends said about us; we still glance at those photographs that remind us of people we loved and lost; we still play such music as "where do broken hearts go…"

Time to be happy

We literally look for sad episodes from our archives and replay them over and over again and fill our minds with them. Have you ever wondered what kind of an essay would roll out if your mind were connected to a printer?

It is a New Year. My nieces have taught me that now is the time to be happy and not later. I am rejoicing at every little thing I have. Even when I don’t achieve much I am happy for the courage of trying.

I am avoiding sad memories like an epidemic. I am running away from downers as much as possible. I am making my happiness my personal responsibility and I am not giving anyone the slightest chance to take charge of my happiness. I must reclaim that childhood smile and laughter.

I want to have sunshine in my heart today, tomorrow and thereafter. Bye bye sadness. Hallo happiness! That is my New Year’s resolution. Make it yours too.

—margaretmwenje@yahoo.com