Thou shall never lose your cool to a woman

By SILAS NYANCHWANI

By now, Evans Kidero’s thunderous and murderous slap is stale news.

But it is my patriotic duty to weigh in on the subject. We have all had humorous one week, deriving all sorts of pleasure from the highly regrettable incident.

I should state from the word go that I do not condone or support the act. Violence is a vestige of a primal temperament that has no place in the 21st century. Kidero betrayed the first calling of real men; ‘though shall never lose your cool, more so to a woman’. It is somewhere in the Bible or the Quran. How you act under pressure is the true measure of your character, the worse if it’s you running a big office. While Hon. Shebesh’s combative nature and attitude has never augured well with men, she never deserved the slap. There are male politicians far worse than her.

 Prior to the most infamous slap in Kenya, Sonko had a highly publicised outburst at Caroline Mutoko. It was another blow to the institution of manhood. I mean, we have men sleeping around with animals. Two other men at Coast have talked themselves into sharing a woman publicly. Then two top politicians in the land proceed to humiliate men in the worst possible ways. Shebesh and Mutoko are not the most popular women among men in Kenya. Not so much because they are bold, and speak their mind, rather they have a certain trait that all men abhor. In fact, the number three worst male fear, anywhere in the world is a loud and abrasive woman. Men hate noise. It was comedian Chris Rock who said that men need only three things from a woman; food, sex and silence.

Men are never intimidated by female success. We all admire Kethi Kilonzo, in spite of her present travails. We are constantly afraid when the success gets to their head. And it does most of the time.

 Kidero’s slap opened floodgates for misogyny-inspired Facebook and Twitter posts and memes.

It is an overt schadenfreude, more to do with Shebesh’s character, than anything else. Given we are in Kenya, the case is now a gender, political and tribal issue, but I want to derive a few social lessons for all of us. First, if you are a woman, you must find creative ways of dealing with your man. If you want to use the ‘in-your-face’ approach, a man has only two alternatives; either he will slap you or walk away.

Most of the men who stay in bars late into the night are afraid of their wives’ tirade. While men are not necessarily angels, women have a biological capacity of overreacting to the minutest of issues that only serves to rankle men.

 Secondly, if you are a man, the ultimate test of your intelligence and wisdom is how you deal with the weak, the poor, and women and in deed everyone in your life.

Those who have violence as an option are a primitive lot. They need to unlearn that. While sometimes some people need some whacking, you have to tread carefully. Rapists and those into bestiality, for instance.

 Thirdly, women need to learn that in politics and power, it is still a man’s world. The war is not yet over. And it is the sacrifices of the people like Shebesh, Nancy Baraza, Martha Karua, Gladys Shollei, Caroline Mutoko that will help them get there.

That is why my heart misses a beat anytime I see a woman who approves what Kidero did, simply because she has a personal dislike to Shebesh.

 Finally, we all must learn to respect personal space. This includes respecting people’s spouses and their sensibilities in general. There must be a limit to how far one can push the envelope. Shebesh should have used a more civil approach.

Or Kidero should have known when to walk away. One has to give. 

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