Harold: Sue abdicated duty

As the election draws near, all the vitriol that has been cooking in the political kitchens is finally bubbling into the open.

The politics are heating up, the fumes are leaving the kitchen, and verbal diarrhoea has become commonplace as horribly cooked manifestos and propaganda go down guts. Simply, Harold and Sue are at it again.

Last week, Harold convened a meeting after I alerted him it was Labour Day. He would not belabour his point, he promised and would make sure his campaigns were clean. But Harold does not keep his promises.

You will remember Harold literally spilled the beans as he had promised about his falling out with Sue.

However, he decided the spill was not enough. Amid a high cost of living in the village and sustained uproar over the same, Harold told an audience his government had failed because Sue had betrayed him.

“Instead of coming to help me, and guiding me on what she thinks I got wrong, there she is insulting me and saying all the negative things about me,” Harold told a jeering crowd. “We have failed because she has failed.”

Sue was in her pub serving her most diligent customers, all but Harold, when word reached her Harold was saying bad things about her.

In my local dialect, we call such speech “mud”, which was pleasing to Sue as she immediately knew the rainy season had finally come.

She called the media, which comprises me and a few hooligans I hire every now and then, and who like propaganda.

“I feel your pain, Harold,” said Sue, grinning, and we could tell she was happy with herself. “You gave my duties to some other people and now you are here complaining. I am sorry that happened.”

She grinned at me, and I knew it was me she was calling “other people”. 

You see, after the fallout between Harold and Sue, I was made the chief cook at Harold’s and also the chief slave, roles Sue seems to have cherished.

I also became the de facto slave, suffering Harold’s subterfuge at will and being told off whenever I said anything sensible, which is against Harold’s modus operandi.

“Harold, I am only a call away,” she concluded.

I was shocked as I had not at any one time thought Sue would ask that Harold reaches out. If they joined hands, I would now only be a second horse, which serious political analysts will tell you is a bad thing because I cannot “Peter katikati yao”.

Also, it is odd that Sue should be telling Harold to call her if he needs her. We all know they meet every evening at the drinking den.

Also, Harold no longer owns a phone, and uses me as his messenger, with the use of smoke signals highly unreliable in the cold weather. Harold always drinks on credit, which is probably why Sue would expect he has enough credit to call her.

I was unwilling to go back to Harold and tell him I had been accused of sabotaging Sue, and my proposition to Sue fell on deaf ears. Now that I also head the judiciary, she no longer can trust her cases to be handled with neutrality.

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