Africa's crazy laws

Esther Murugi, the special programmes minister, should not worry about speaking out of turn once in a while. The suggestion that Kenyans infected with HIV should be quarantined for life is not even surprising by African standards.

In Malawi, President Bingu wa Mutharika last week announced legislation that will make it illegal to break wind in public.

The proposed law, the country’s justice ministry expounded, is part of a wider campaign to "mould responsible and disciplined citizens".

Does one hear echoes of the ‘Mututho law’ in that statement?

To enforce the law, Malawi plans to set up special ‘local courts’ across the nation.

The bill contains other bizarre offences, such as "insulting the modesty of a woman, challenging to fight a duel and...pretending to be a fortune teller."

Already, critics are questioning the effectiveness of such legislation. How, the local media asks, will it be enforced when it is so easy to blame the offence on others?

You know how these things happen. You are in a packed matatu and are seized by an uncontrollable urge. Softy, softly, you give in to the urge and the air is befouled by a terrible stench.

Passengers look at each other accusingly as you look out of the window resolutely, your nose also wrinkled. Your body language suggests that the culprit is the good-looking young woman seated next to you. Would you own up if it was not only a social infraction but a criminal offence to boot?

Or imagine you were a magistrate in Malawi assigned to one of these special courts. Would you tell an inquirer that you were attached to, uh, the f***ing court?

It would seem that when people have nothing to do in Africa, they go to Parliament to pass crazy laws.

- Benson