Keeping the world riveted with a chewing gum

By Ted Malanda

I recall this beautiful television newscaster whom nature had bestowed with a well-endowed nose. And being a lover of beauty, the newscaster, a female, had stuck a huge gold pin on her well-endowed nose.

Each time she appeared on screen, my mind, for some idiotic reason, refused to take in her bewitching looks and honey-coated voice. Instead, that gold pin always kept my eyes riveted on her well-endowed nose. That’s the human eye, always looking out for things that aren’t really supposed to be in the picture.

It’s the same when you visit someone’s house. Your eye never takes in the good stuff. Instead, it sort of locks onto the cobwebs in the corner, that stain on the carpet, the dust under the seat.

Jawing away

That’s why while President Kibaki was helping raise funds for treatment for victims of the Nakumatt and Molo petrol tanker fire tragedies, my eyes refused to notice the preacher making a punchy speech lambasting the failings of Government. Instead, they locked onto a senior Cabinet minister who, at the precise moment, was chewing gum.

There was something very incongruous about the picture. Nice designer suit, exemplary political skills — even a possible future and successful presidential run. And yet the man was sitting there jawing away barely inches from his Commander-in-Chief.

The words of the preacher slowly faded away. I became riveted by that rhythmic chomping. Up and down, short pauses; chomp some more, total focus. Was he listening to the preacher? Could the President hear him chomp? Would he blow up a nice scented bubble with his gum like my sons do? And why was he chewing? Worried about his breath — a little alcohol or stale cigarette odour in his breath, perhaps? Or was he just exercising his jaws, you know, keeping them fit?

"The people have lost faith in this coalition…." But the preacher’s words fogged away in my mind. Unconsciously, my mind recalled a female parliamentary aspirant from western Kenya who had incessantly chewed gum as she addressed a televised press conference before the 2007 elections.

I remembered getting distracted by the bank teller who kept chewing gum as I tried to explain an intricate financial situation. I couldn’t focus. I kept watching her chomp on away. My mind wondered how old that chewing gum was, the noise it made as she jawed on it.