Celebs quotes of the year

As the year comes to a close, KEVIN OGUOKO compiles gems from the local stars

Blonde moments

 “Can I get an answer? Are you getting ma DMS (Direct Messages).” Marya

Context: Marya’s tweet to her then ex-boyfriend after an apparent break-up.

Verdict: Well, I guess in this case hashiki simu!

“I was told that nothing is ever off record with the media. So I’m gonna stay off.” Avril

Context: Avril refuses to give her opinion during a joint hangout between Ogopa DJs and Pulse crew.

Verdict: If you are always ‘Miss Behaving’ you would be cautious too.

“I would rather remain single for life,” -Bien, Sauti Sol.

Context: Bien after visiting a patient battered by the spouse.

Verdict: Blonde moment, if you actually had hair!

Hypocritical Octopus

“Doobie... Doobie... stupid!” Octopizzo

Context: One of the lines in his diss track, Njeri Doobeez. He also used it as an opening statement during the Sprite Slum Tour in a court full of people at Nyayo Stadium, Nairobi.

“It’s not good for people to use people’s names to gain fame. It is so cheap.” Octopizzo

Context: A couple of months later during the Nokia Don’t Break the Beat auditions, Octopizzo claimed that Khaligraph was lame for using Frasha of P-Unit to climb the fame ladder.

Verdict: Too much talk not enough balls? Eight balls!

 “Tell Avril I love her despite her hooking up with Jalang’o. And my new song Wacha Iende is dedicated to her,”- G-Kon

Context: Rapper phoned a couple of Entertainment journalists after learning of his apparent ex-girlfriend Avril having a fling with Jalang’o. He later conveniently released his new track and video, Wacha Iende.

Verdict: Way to ‘con’ your way to a hit song. Please wacha aende!

Comeback egos

“I consider myself to have a coach’s perspective, watching the other players from the sidelines,”- DNA

Context: DNA making a statement on how he views the industry now that he is back.

Verdict: So one-hit wonders make coaches? OK...

“No. There is no competition here. The Kenyan market is too small and my target is international market...” Bamboo.

Context: Bamboo’s interview on his apparent comeback.

Verdict: Well, why move away from your target audience?

“Hatujakuja kulaunch ma albums here. (We have not come to launch albums here).” Frasha of P Unit

Context: Frasha after Bamboo took too long on stage at the Nokia Don’t Break the Beat finals.

Verdict: Welcome back Bamboo!

The gospel truth

“He might claim his chain is expensive. I’m told he claims he bought it at the same place Jay Z buys his. Who believes that?”  Ringtone.

Context: Ringtone’s beef with Jaguar over expensive bling.

Verdict: The Swahili saying maskini akipata matako hulia mbwata sums it up!

“My policy has always been that I should not go to such (clubs) events and I’m not really sure whether it was right for me to be there as it goes against my faith. I don’t smoke or drink. I was mistaken.”-Holy Dave

Context: This was two weeks before his pictures on a drinking spree surfaced.

Verdict: Doubt if the statement was made in a sober state of mind.

“I’m sorry, I apologise for being human.”- A-Star

Context: A-Star’s last statement on a 1,758 words-long open letter to Pulse after an expose of his ‘unholy’ drinking sprees complete with pictures in our gossip column.

Verdict: You should start with those words.

“We don’t talk. We met at the Kisima Awards. About the photo, I was standing there with my promoter, J Blessing when the chick grabbed me from nowhere. I wanted to refuse but Blessing told me, ‘we ni nini? Chukua photo na fan.’ From hapo, I heard that story.” Willy Paul.

Context: The gospel singer denying knowing Pendo, a girl rumoured to have had sex with him. His alibi, J Blessing, was not at the venue.

Verdict: Well, if you had doubts before, now you know!

Copycats

“I will not apologise or respond to nonsense that tries to imply I may have borrowed something from the Internet. I borrow from everything around me —cocktail parties I go to, baby showers, I borrow from drunkards, thieves, cab drivers and my housekeeper — I borrow from the lines of songs I listen to and tweets I read and even posts on Nicki Minaj’s FB wall...I am no copycat — I am the original and I’m different and that’s tough for some people to take.” Caroline Mutoko

Context: Caroline Mutuko defending herself against plagiarism charges.

Verdict: Ahem!

Chop my money

“Well, if they are complaining about that, what about our next video.” Taio Tripper.

Context: The Camp Mulla group member made the comments during their interview on Str8 Up.

Verdict: Talk of backing up your name with mulla.

“What’s that? Is he from Kenya? I have never heard of him.”

Context: Prezzo on Jaguar when which track was playing in the BBA House and housemates from other countries were singing along.

Verdict: Well, he is the president. Some amnesia is in order. Or is it selective?