Eye contact: Can a look say more than words?

Our brains are naturally wired to seek connection. Eye contact activates that need and helps us recognise emotional availability (Photo: iStock)

“All it took was one look”. “We couldn’t take our eyes off each other.” These phrases show how eye contact expresses affection and attraction.

Psychologist Hellen Staula says that a lingering glance can convey interest, reassurance, attraction and presence.

“When people look directly into each other’s eyes, they can read not only what is being said verbally but also the emotions behind the words,” she says.

She explains that looking someone in the eye creates a sense of genuine connection; the eyes won’t relay what the heart doesn’t mean. This is why eye contact can communicate emotions without saying a word.

A loving gaze can communicate affection, admiration, reassurance and support. She notes that people take eye contact as one of the most romantic forms of non-verbal communication, for it fosters honesty and vulnerability.

Genuine people are generally more comfortable maintaining eye contact. “The eyes can communicate, ‘You have me. You have my support,’” she says. She adds that it helps build emotional intimacy by promoting consistency, trust and emotional safety.

It reassures partners that they are accepted, understood, respected and appreciated. She says that eye contact during the early stages of attraction is a silent invitation and interest before any words are exchanged.

Many couples recall first noticing each other when their eyes met. Mutual gazing, she points out, can signal curiosity, confidence and availability, encouraging two people to approach one another.

Couples in long-term relationships can maintain natural eye contact to strengthen emotional bonds. It reminds them of the connection, supports feelings of closeness, and helps rekindle relationships that have grown distant.

“Couples can minimise distractions during conversations and maintain eye contact while expressing appreciation and sharing meaningful moments. Listen with your eyes,” she encourages.

Hellen explains that locking eyes promotes social connection by helping the brain process emotions and attention. It also stimulates the release of chemicals such as oxytocin, called the bonding hormone, which promotes trust and attachment, as well as dopamine, which is related to pleasurable interactions.

“Our brains are naturally wired to seek connection. Eye contact activates that need and helps us recognise emotional availability,” she says. Sustained eye contact can feel uncomfortable for some due to personality, upbringing, anxiety, past experiences or self-esteem.

Its meaning also varies across cultures, from respect and honesty to confidence or arrogance. “Eye contact should be interpreted alongside verbal communication and other non-verbal cues,” she advises.