How could something so special fall apart?

Real love’s about learning to co-operate and work together towards shared values and goals (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris!

I’ve had some truly romantic and intense relationships that I really expected to last. But they didn’t! What’s going wrong?

How could something that felt so special fail?

Special

Chris says,

Hi Special!

Relationships often go through a very romantic and intense phase early on. Where your boyfriend can do no wrong, you can’t think of anything else but him and you live for your next date. 

But this isn’t really love; it’s infatuation. Driven by chemicals that flood your brain whenever you begin to feel attracted to someone.

That chemistry’s very similar to drug addiction, so the first thing that might be going wrong for you is that you’ve started to become hooked on feeling infatuated. So you choose only the most exciting guys, bail out at the first excuse, and go looking for someone new.

Way before love can even start to develop.

Because a genuine love’s about building trust, sharing emotions, enjoying the little things about each other's personalities, and feeling able to depend on one another when the chips are down.

Real love’s about learning to co-operate and work together towards shared values and goals. It changes and grows as you mature and build your dreams together. Love brings out the best in you, and gradually, the relationship between you and your partner becomes the way you define your lives.

Infatuation’s never like that. It’s all about excitement and living in the moment. You probably only ever meet in restaurants and bars, and never really get to know one another deeply. So next time, try spending more time with your boyfriend and truly becoming part of one another’s lives. And if that doesn’t happen, ask yourself why not. Are you choosing guys who aren’t ready to make time for you? Or maybe you’re not ready to make time either?

Really special relationships are only ever built on love. So if you’re not sure about your feelings for your new partner or his feelings for you, take things slowly. And if a genuine love doesn’t start to develop, move on. Because infatuation never lasts!

All the best,

Chris