He's perfect except for his ex! Should I walk away?

He’s perfect… except for his ex! Should I walk away? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris, 

I’m dating a really promising boyfriend, but he has an ex who seems to be a big part of his life, and she’s creeping me out. Should I let him go, even though he’s so nice?

Ex Problem

Chris says, 

Hi, Ex Problem!

Frankly, it’s really hard for men and women to have totally innocent relationships because, sooner or later, sex always rears its ugly head. So I’m not surprised that your bf’s ex is creeping you out. In all probability, they were intimate when they were together, and they could very easily be having sex now and are just very good at concealing it. And even if they’ve never been intimate together, there’s a strong likelihood that they will at some time in the future. Whatever happens, the possibility of infidelity will always be there.

And even if he thinks it’s ok to be close to his ex, the fact is that it’s upsetting you, so it’s not. 

So for you and him to have a successful relationship together, he simply shouldn’t have any significant others in his life while you’re dating. Because as you move from the fun and excitement of going out to the practicalities of building a life together, there are bound to be times when you have problems. And there’s a very good chance that sometime you’re upset with one another, he’s going to start crying on her shoulder instead of yours. And that’s not likely to go well. At the very least, he’ll have an affair. At the worst, they’ll actually get back together.

So it’s better to face up to this issue now, rather than at some time in the future when you have children and a mortgage together. Explain to him that his being close to his ex is bothering you, tell him that you really do like him and would love to make a life together, and that means he has to choose between you. Give him a short while to get his mind round that idea, and if he can’t let her go, then move on.

All the best,

Chris