I was taught good girls don't like sex, how do I undo it?

I was taught good girls don't like sex, how do I undo it? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I think somehow I grew up being taught that good girls don’t like sex! And so I find it hard to be upfront about intimacy with my husband. I never take the lead and I’m sure I’m missing out on a lot of fun. But how do I change?

Non-Starter

Chris says,

Hi Non-Starter!

You’re right, an upbringing like yours can make it hard to take the initiative. The best way to start changing that is by talking positively about sex afterwards: ‘Wow, that was lovely!’ Before long, you’ll be able to talk about it anytime you like.

Create a nighttime routine. Go to bed at the same time each evening, turn off your screens early, chat over a last snack, and get ready for bed together. You’ll make love much more often.

Stop thinking yourself out of intimacy: “I’m not really sure I’m in the mood.” Instead, anytime the thought occurs to you, just do it!

Avoid subtle hints, because men simply don’t get them. Instead, just say what you want!

And if talking feels too difficult, use your hands instead. Snuggle up behind him and let your hands wander. Add some non-verbal signals that say you’re in the mood, such as wearing a special sexy dress or one of his shirts and nothing else at all, or getting into bed naked. Or dab on a sultry perfume that you never wear at any other time. Using a scent like that can become highly arousing.

And don’t delay. The moment romance crosses your mind, start things off, rather than letting stuff like the news, social media or a movie make you so tired you just want to sleep.

Go on being proactive once you’re heading towards the bedroom. Touch him. Guide his hands. Tell him exactly what you want. Because being upfront shows him that you like sex as much as he does. While if you just lie there and don’t do much, he’ll think you’re only doing it for him. But show him you’re interested and your sex life will get a whole lot better!

All the best,

Chris