I love my supervisor who is tying the knot in April, help

Dan needs help, He has been developing feelings toward his supervisor. [Courtesy]

Every mid-week, we publish on our Facebook page (Standard Digital) a relationship Dilemma from our audience.

It is simple, in case you are in a relationship and faced with a dilemma on how to make certain decisions, send us a message on our Facebook page and we will share it with Kenyans.

Below is the story we shared last Wednesday, January, 19, together with sampled responses from some of our readers and input from a social expert.

Hi-Standard

My name is Dan.

I’m 34, single, living and working in Nairobi in the IT sector.

Of late, I have been developing feelings toward my supervisor. She is in her late 30s; classy, intelligent and humorous.

However, she hinted that she’d be tying the knot with her fiancé sometime in April this year. When I learnt that she was in a relationship, my heart broke into pieces.

I have not professed my love for her. I’m not sure how she’ll react. Every time she arrives in the office, she disrupts everything that I’m doing at the time; I can’t think straight. But I fear telling her about my feelings. I don’t want other women, for sure. What should I do?

Readers' Responses

Kenyans who came across the post on our official platform on Facebook had the following opinions on the matter.

Lutta Hillary: You are crushing on her. You are fantasizing too much. Get out of the misleading dream. The devil wants to use you to cause problems to yourself & the fiancés.

Karl Paulus: What you need to do is to reach me for some counselling at negotiable charges, okay?

Dennis Misiko: It's normal to admire your workmates especially when they are nice but you must know that work and relationships are two different things. Control your desires and get a woman outside the office cycle. It will save you from insecurity threats of her being seduced in your presence.

Kevin Kusimba: Keep those feelings to yourself. Wait for April you go and eat pilau that is if you will be invited for the wedding. Then on that day, socialize as you look for someone.

Nahshon Otieno Opondo: Dear Dan, Feelings come and go. But true love and commitment is the glue that sticks two lovers together in marriage. In marriage, you will need more than feelings. Compose yourself, retrace your footsteps and control your destiny because your supervisor belongs to someone else.

Jerry Yego: It's like it took you ages to express your feelings to her. Now that she has been taken, accept and move on. Please do not spread your heartbreak to the two. Look around, there are more good girls out there around you. Wish her well and your door will just open suddenly.

Ochieng Samson: Nurture your sexuality soon, you'll be on the same platform crying lost job and desperation.

Ruth Utheri: Take leave and come back after she has said I do. You will look at her as a married woman and that you will keep that respected distance.

Samson Nyamweya: If your father could not have wanted other women, you could not be existing. continue tying your life to your sweet supervisor.

Destined To Excel: Put yourself together, accept that she's not meant for you, take a step to approach another lady, not other women, as you're putting it. Have faith and may the Lord be your guide in helping you accomplish what you're looking forward to. All the best Dan.

Expert’s opinion

Dr Karatu Kiemo is a sociologist and lecturer at the University of Nairobi.

Hello Dan,

Workplace relationships can go either way. Many people have found fulfilling love relationships while others have lived to regret ever crossing the borders.

It is, therefore, good to be guarded in sharing your feelings with your supervisor. If she is intelligent as you have noted and mature by virtue of her age, I doubt she will break her upcoming marriage and give you a chance.

Love is good to be pursued but perhaps not at all costs. Current media reported violence in love triangles in Kenya is quite disturbing. Perhaps there is wisdom in Kenny Roger's song's (The Gambler) advice of 'knowing when to walk away and 'when to run’.

If your feelings overwhelm your thoughts, it's advisable to change your work department or change the job altogether.

But risk-taking behaviour is not necessarily bad. Who knows! She could be all you have been waiting for. And you could also be all that she has been waiting for.

Yet you cannot know that unless you verbalize your love. Now that there is a wedding in the offing, you may need to share your feelings now. There's a good reason why they make marriage and engagement announcements.

Thereafter, that is beyond April, you will need to keep off other people's territories. And because at 34 years of age we do not have all the time and leisure to gamble, it's good not to dismiss those 'other' women.

The bottom line is 'summon your emotional intelligence and you might not go wrong. If need be, a formal counselling session may be important.