Relationship Dilemma: I love him but my family says I'm too educated to be a second wife

Cecilia is in love but her family says he is too educated to be a second wife. [File, Standard]

Our social lives and relationships are faced with a number of challenges; especially when a major decision is supposed to be made.

On Wednesday, January 5, (after our series took a break during the holidays) we published, on our Facebook page – Standard Digital – a relationship dilemma by a woman who met a new man, whom she feels more comfortable with, a month after her engagement.

Hi-Standard,
First, Happy New Year.
My name is Cecilia, I am 32 years old.
I don’t have a job yet, but my partner, who is married, has been paying my bills, including rent, food, upkeep and leisure. He has been doing that, without fail, for almost 5 years now.
For context purposes, I would say he spends almost Sh80,000 on me every month.
I love him, but my family says I’m too educated and beautiful to be a second wife. I recently met a young man; he is 34 years old. He loves me so much. He has asked for my hand in marriage. I’d really love to have a man of my own, but I’m not sure if I’ll get the same level of financial comfort and peace from the new man.
I’m confused on whether to break things off with my current partner, or to reject the new man’s proposal. Please help.

READER’S RESPONSES

Charity Gitobu: That imagination that you are beautiful and educated has failed you in life. If at all you are educated why can't you utilize that education to make your own money and leave other people's husband's alone? Opportunist is your other name.

Jackie Bob: Marriage has become a mere contract. All statements here are full of transactional elements and lack in emotional features. This is a financial advisor needed, not normal people like us.

Juliet Mboya: Get married as a second wife and give us feedback. Where is that 34-year-old we tell him to stay away from you because if you're cheating on him now then you're definitely not good for him.

Bellah Rose: Sh80,000 for 5 years yet you don’t even have a business running? You are in your comfort zone.

Humble Guy: Start by saying you're a second wife for us to figure out how to advice you.  It seems you are stuck between the Sh80,000 monthly and a new guy whom you're not sure of. Make a decision wisely before you start being a motivational speaker.

Calvin Agesa: This is a case of a woman who has settled her mind on being a married man's playmate, to put the term politely, where he even knows he can use, abuse and dump her when he feels like. The one holding the purse strings is well aware that she is attracted to the money like a bee to a sunflower's nectar. The gentleman with no job stands no chance, given these circumstances. Sad tragedy.

Paulz Nguruson: You're too educated and beautiful to be independent.

Gee Ndichman: Stop being ignorant there is nothing like my own man in male kingdom

Angela Mwareri: Unless you want to become a motivational speaker, stick to your partner. Assume the 34-year-old and continue with your life. Love is important but money is also very important.

Macreen Hazel: My dear since you are well educated you can get a job or even start a business for your financial stability, accept the Second guy.

EXPERT’S RESPONSE

Dr Karatu Kiemo is a sociologist and lecturer at the University of Nairobi.

Cecelia you are a lucky person to have two people who love you and want to be in your life.

What we normally find is person A who loves person B but who doesn't reciprocate to A but is pursuing C and C is pursuing A but A is only interested in B.

If love is what your heart desires, then you are OK. But marriage is another thing altogether.

You cannot marry the two men peacefully. If you want a man of your own as you say, then the answer is obvious.

If that happens then you have to kill the first relationship to avoid love triangle that has caused many deaths as we all know too well based on media reports.

Killing the first relationship may not be easy and you require some wisdom and tact.

I mean it's not going to be easy for a man to let go where he has been investing 80k per month and investing his emotions.

To avoid the so common love tragedies of our times, please consider visiting a professional counsellor.

Finally, dear Cecelia gets a job, self-employ or enrol in some training program. Your dilemma is to a large extent caused by your lack of financial independence.

I suppose that if you could afford to pay your own bills, then you would not have to bother whether or not to be a second wife. Invest in yourself and in due course the pieces of your life will hold together.