Tale of Venezuelans, reptiles and plumbers

Lawyers James Orengo, Julie Soweto and Philip Murgor during the presidential petition at the Supreme Court on September 2, 2022. [David Gichuru, Standard] At the close of the 2022 presidential election petition yesterday, alligators, plumbers and Venezuelans competed for attention before a weary Supreme Court. It was the day the various counsels were unfurling their hidden claws, a last-minute attempt to impress the judges. Counsel Julie Soweto turned the tables on opponents when she unveiled, live, what she described a bombshell hidden on the top left corner of Form 34A of Gacharaigu Primary school polling station, in Kangema, Murang'a. It was the name of the Venezuelan deported in the run-up to the General Election, Joe Carmago, and whom Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC) Chairman Wafula Chebukati had informed the country was working with the commission. "It's obvious to the naked eye, a crumb was left, and we thank God for it," Soweto exclaimed. It was also the moment the events of Bomas on August 15 were revisited. While Counsel Pheroze Nowrojee had no qualms praising the choirs that entertained the country, his junior Omoke Morara felt it was irritating. Nowrojee sought to smash the legal doctrine of necessity as advanced by rival side. In trembling but authoritative voice, he provided the court with the historical context of the doctrine, stretching from South Rhodesia to Nazi Germany, concluding it should not just be rejected but rejected conscientiously. James Orengo, now Governor Siaya County, took the opportunity to remind all where he went to school; Alliance High. He cautioned that quoting William Shakespeare is not enough to win a case. "Always remember as a lawyer, oration is not enough. Substance counts!" he said. He also took on his fellow Alliance mate, Prof Githu Muigai and his team for dismissing the petitioners case as work of fiction. "I am not surprised that they are saying it is fiction. You heard a lot of speeches which don't belong to a courtroom, they should have been presented in a theatre for people who love poetry, like my friend Githu Muigai with whom we share a lot," he said. He claimed getting a single strand of information from the electoral commission is like taking a road to hell, "because that is what it is" and using the football analogy, said offside scores must be annulled. "It does not matter whether its Messi or Ronaldo who has scored it..." His colleague Otiende Omolo described the voter turnout as a moving target. He pleaded with the court not to stand in the way of IEBC as it makes history for nullifying its own election. "In 2017 this court made history by nullifying the election. This year, it is IEBC making history, not you. You should not stand in their way," he said. Senior Counsel Philip Murgor on the other hand set out to offer free computer lessons to the court. He said software for editing PDF is available for free and can be downloaded by the court. He claimed the election was rigged "with military precision" and using foreign mercenaries engaged for that purpose. "None of those has sworn an affidavit. People like those disappear and leave the country to its own devices, thankfully the country is safe," he said. Zehrabanu Janmohamed, Senior Counsel, was still sulking that her client, an ordinary Kenyan voter, continued to be belittled by the respondents. She reminded all that a humble person can go to the top, and complained Chebukati had reduced other commissioners to "flower girls and page boys of his own wedding." She was also irked what she felt was dismissive reaction of IEBC lawyers and how this rhymed with Ruto's team: "The umpire tells us get over it, and one of the protagonists says, move on!" she said. But she had a shocker for them in the end. She reminded them that the "toothless bulldog is long dead, and buried" as she pleaded with the Court to "bite for the glory of this country." In 2017, Counsel Tom Macharia trembled and mumbled at the questioning of the Supreme Court judges. Yesterday he reclaimed his lost ground, delving deep into the law and its precedents, and ruing the "manufacture" of Kenyan top leadership in Venezuela. For him, all the talk of KIEMS kit log-ins is completely unnecessary if it cannot support transparency and accuracy of the vote to the ordinary voter. As a matter of fact, he said the only logs his grandmother, an ordinary voter, knows about are the logs she uses to warm herself. "The long and short of it is that IEBC ceded control of the process of determining election to a foreign entity who now says they cannot share data for some reason," Macharia submitted. But it was Willis Otieno, he of the inky pinky ponky fame, who brought the house down, this time round with tales of a plumber who hangs on to his bathroom works way into shower time of the master. He also regaled the courtroom with tales of alligators and Diego Maradona. For him, the Bomas choirs were evidence of peace at the tallying centre. The court thanked him for not sweating out his points. As he was wont to, Prof Tom Ojienda generously dished out the Latin references of the law. Omoke described as "ridiculous" the declaration of Chebukati as a hero, by his lawyers. Kibe Mungai quoted Karl Marx saying history repeats itself first as a tragedy and secondly as a farce. He painted the picture of a farcical election and pleaded with the court to nail IEBC on the cross on Monday. When all was said and done, Deputy Chief Justice Philomena Mwilu the no-nonsense marshall of the day, gave a vote of thanks on behalf of the bench. She asked all to "pray for us- whatever God you pray to- that God will help us." She also, unwittingly dished a little, sundowner lesson to the parties, reminding all that at the court, nobody had veto power. "But we have a team leader." It was too late for IEBC lawyers to rebut this lesson.

Tale of Venezuelans, reptiles and plumbers

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