I'm worried my kids are heading down the wrong path

Be closely involved in all your children’s lives. Know where they are at all times and their friends (Photo: Gemini)

Hi Chris!

My children are a real handful. They’re disrespectful and aggressive, especially my oldest, who’ll soon be a teen. And I’m worried that the others are going the same way.

What can I do?

Handful

Chris says,

Hi Handful!

Antisocial behaviour’s pretty normal in young kids, but a toddler shouldn’t have lots of hard-to-stop aggressive outbursts or refuse to follow your instructions. Toddlers should also want to be close to you, especially when you’re somewhere strange, so worry if yours don’t.

You should pay particular attention if your pre-teens use force to get their way, especially with you, taunt you as if they couldn’t care less, steal from you, hurt or bully others, or vandalise property.

Some antisocial behaviour from teens is also pretty inevitable, because even though they seem to be mature, they can’t actually think things through like an adult. So you’re going to have to be patient with their bad decisions, anxieties, poor social skills, rebelliousness, door-slamming and arguing. But if your teen is actually violent or aggressive, then you need to take control.

So what should you do?

Above all, be closely involved in all your children’s lives. Know where they are at all times, know their friends and watch how they get along together. There’s bound to be squabbles, but be firm with your children if they hit or threaten another child. Make it clear that you don’t approve of any form of violence.

They mostly learn by example, so make sure they see your values in everything you do, especially kindness and respect for others. Settle arguments within your family quietly and calmly, because children who see hostility at home are much more likely to become violent themselves.

Have high expectations and enforce clear rules for your children’s behaviour. When they behave badly, just point out what they’ve done wrong and withdraw your attention from them. As soon as they start behaving well again, you also start acting normally again. So that your attention becomes a reward for good behaviour. It’s hard work to begin with, but very effective.

All the best,

Chris