The lasting impact of father-son bonding

The lasting impact of father-son bonding (Photo: iStock) As the August school holidays unfold, fathers are seizing the chance to reconnect with their sons, not as providers, but as present, intentional role models. From weekend camps to church retreats and everyday hangouts, the father-son bond is being rebuilt across generations. On a recent chilly Saturday morning, a group of fathers and sons stood shoulder to shoulder at the foot of Ngong Hills, preparing for a sunrise hike. Among them was 13-year-old Taye Pkutor. His father fondly adjusted his backpack as he "purposely" stood close to his side. Peter Pkutor, a civil servant, had taken leave to spend the weekend with his son. "I don't always get to talk to him without distractions," Peter confessed. "Work, school, screens, they get in the way. This hike is our reset." For many families, August is more than a mid-year break. It is a rare opportunity for connection, and increasingly, the fathers are showing up. In a society where the traditional father figure is often cast as a silent provider, many fathers are starting to realise the power of being emotionally present, especially for their sons. And between the ages of 7 and 17, experts say that presence can make or break a young boy's journey into manhood. "Children at this stage are forming an identity. They're searching for approval and connection," says Reverend Jotham Munene. "When a father is accessible and interested, that child feels seen. It builds confidence and emotional safety." The bonding revolution Across the country, a quiet revolution is underway. Churches are hosting father-son weekend retreats and schools are offering holiday mentorship clubs. Community groups in estates like Umoja and Thome, event organisers across urban communities, are organising game days and dialogue forums just for fathers and boys. In a church in Kisumu, one pastor shared how they dedicated a full Sunday service to fathers, sharing their childhood stories with their sons. "It was emotional," he said. "Some of the men cried. And the boys listened differently. It was a healing moment," said Pastor Joel Otieno. For 16-year-old Lenny Lemayian, from Kiserian, bonding with his father during a recent church-led session changed everything. "My father, a speaker at the event, talked about his fears growing up. I didn't know fathers have fears. That made me trust him more," said Lemayian. According to Mwithimbu Mutuma, a psychologist, boys undergo massive changes physically, emotionally, and socially between the ages of 7 and 17. Between ages 7 and 10, they are still in the imaginative, approval-seeking stage. He says that between the ages of 11 and 14, boys start testing boundaries. They start looking for role models outside the home, while between the ages of 15 and 17, they start exploring independence, but still need quiet guidance. "These years shape their understanding of masculinity," says Mutuma, adding: "Without consistent male role models, boys may fill the gaps with harmful stereotypes such as toughness, dominance, and emotional silence." The Psychologist says some fathers admit they are learning to be present despite their upbringing. "I never had this with my father," said Pastor Otieno, a father of two teenage sons. "We barely spoke unless I was in trouble, so I decided to do it differently, bringing up my sons." Otieno now plans monthly "bonding nights" and cooks breakfast with his sons on Saturdays. "It may sound like a small act, but they open up more during these sessions. We laugh, we fight over who makes better eggs. That's something," says the Pastor. Wanjiro says even absent or long-distance fathers are making an effort. Through letters, WhatsApp calls, or recorded voice notes, some are building bridges once thought broken. What happens when fathers do not show up? Parenting experts warn that boys without positive male attention may turn to peers, online influencers or street culture for guidance. This, they say, does not always result in positive outcomes. In a 2023 study by the Kenya Institute of Development Studies, adolescent boys with absent or disengaged fathers showed higher rates of school dropout, early alcohol use, and emotional dysregulation. "The father-son bond acts as a buffer," explains child development specialist Florence Machio. "It helps a boy process emotion, handle conflict, and model respect. It's foundational." Where there is no dad Where biological fathers are unavailable, father figures - uncles, pastors, coaches, and grandfathers are stepping up. One mentorship group in Nyeri called "Shujaa Mtaani" pairs boys with vetted male mentors during the holidays for skill-building and storytelling sessions. "Mzee Njenga taught me to fix a tyre and allowed me to ask questions without feeling stupid," said 12-year-old Caleb Mwenyesi. "He even taught me how to iron my shirt!" Caleb lost his father when he was three years old. These community-based models show that intentional time, not blood ties. It nurtures boys into emotionally intelligent men. Ultimately, the August break offers more than just downtime. It is a chance to sow seeds. A handwritten note. A shared walk. A quiet "I'm proud of you." These are the moments sons remember. These are the lessons that ripple through generations. As one 17-year-old from Mpeketoni, Kwale, put it after a weekend with his father: "He just sat with me and asked about my dreams. That was the first time I felt like a man."

The lasting impact of father-son bonding

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