How pornography is warping how children understand love

My mind has been on young people, given what is going on in the country. Youngsters in schools cannot be contained. As the only professor of literary communication in East Africa, I have spent most of my life studying and writing stories.

Literature has always fascinated me because I know that stories shape how human beings understand themselves and the world around them. The stories we tell our children influence their values and even their understanding of what it means to be human.

We must pay close attention to the stories our children consume. Whoever controls the stories they hear ultimately shapes their minds. That is why we should also examine what pornography communicates to young audiences.

In many ways, it is a form of storytelling about the body and human relationships, about love, power, intimacy, masculinity, femininity and desire. The difference is that literature deepens our understanding of human experience, while pornography often reduces people to objects of gratification. Literature humanises; pornography objectifies.

The danger is that millions of young people are consuming pornography long before they are mature enough to separate fantasy from reality. In effect, it has become one of the most influential storytellers of our time, shaping how children understand relationships and sexuality at a stage when their minds are still developing.

Everywhere I go, schools, universities, churches, conferences and community gatherings, I meet young people searching for meaning and identity. They are growing up with opportunities unimaginable to earlier generations, yet also facing dangers that many parents and teachers scarcely understand.

One of those dangers is internet pornography. A generation ago, access to pornography required deliberate effort. Today, it is only a click away. A child sitting alone in a bedroom with a smartphone has access to more explicit content than an adult could have consumed in a lifetime thirty years ago.

This reality should concern every parent and teacher. What I find disturbing is that the conversation about pornography is often reduced to questions of morality. While morality is certainly part of the discussion, the problem goes much deeper.

Many teachers confess that a great number of their students are struggling with exposure to explicit content. Some say they have learners who are unable to concentrate in class. Others speak of learners whose understanding of relationships and sexuality has been shaped more by internet videos than by parents, teachers, or responsible mentors.

Let us be honest. Many young people receive their sex education from pornography. Why? Because we have abandoned our children. Pornography is not designed to educate. It is designed to attract attention and generate profit. That is why many young people are interpreting human relationships through a distorted lens.

Exaggerated fantasies

What is presented in pornography is often far removed from the values that we seek to promote. Respect, responsibility, mutual care, emotional connection and commitment rarely take center stage. Instead, young viewers are exposed to exaggerated fantasies that distort their understanding of intimacy and relationships. The results are out there for all of us to see. We have a generation that knows much about sexual imagery but very little about healthy human relationships.

Research findings are disturbing. Pornography distorts how young people see themselves, as they compare their bodies to curated, digitally enhanced images. Many feel inadequate, develop dissatisfaction with their appearance, or experience unhealthy body-related anxieties.

Research shows pornography affects more than the individual, shaping attitudes toward relationships between men and women. Repeated exposure to content that objectifies people can lead young viewers to see others not as persons deserving respect, but as objects of gratification. Studies also report cases of users struggling to stop despite harmful consequences. The effects often appear in declining academic performance, social withdrawal and strained relationships.

Parents are often unaware of the scale of the problem. We assume that physical safety at home shields children from harm, yet many of today’s threats enter through screens. There is no need for panic, but there is need for open conversation about the digital world. Schools should strengthen digital literacy to help learners navigate online spaces responsibly, while religious institutions and community groups should create safe spaces for difficult questions.

Young people also need alternatives. Those engaged in sports, reading, music, the arts, community service and meaningful social interaction are often better able to resist harmful influences. Purpose and mentorship matter.

Responsibility for raising children cannot be delegated. The greatest danger of pornography is that it presents a false story about human beings, reducing people to objects and elevating gratification over responsibility. Children are growing up with the belief that pleasure outweighs dignity, a challenge reflected in schools today.