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Mothers are God’s best angels, celebrate them, but some could be toxic

By Njoki Kaigai | May 12th 2019


Today is Mothers Day - where we celebrate and honour our mothers. Today, most mothers will be basking in the glory of love and gifts from their offspring (and in some cases their hubbies). Truth be told, Mothers Day gets more attention and hype than Fathers Day simply because mothers really do most of the tough work of parenting. By and large, most mothers are good people who embody unconditional love and sacrifice. However, we also have some bad and toxic mothers who give motherhood a bad name. Children who have had the misfortune of having a toxic mother will tell you that having a bad mother can be described as one of nature’s worst curses. So as we celebrate great mothers, let us talk about the unique attributes of bad mothers.

Let us start with the fact that bad mothers simply hate being mothers - and they never miss any opportunity to let the whole world (especially their children) know.

Okay, we all know there are moments when our mothers have told us they wish we had never been born, but we also know such utterances are usually a result of our bad behaviour and they usually get overtaken by acts of love and kindness. Bad motherson the other hand blame their offspring for everything bad in their lives. We have mothers who never cease reminding their children that they are the reason they have droopy boobs, acres of strechmarks and excess kilos.

We also have bad mothers who blame their children for missing out on job promotions, on the loves of their lives, heck some even blame their children for their failure to find Jesus.

Some mothers take this to the extreme by simply pretending their children do not exist by hiding them in the village as they live wanton ‘child-free’ lives in the city. In fact when they find men who appear to love them and who want to settle down, these mothersconveniently ‘erase’ the existence of the fruit of their loins for the sake of marriage. What these mothersforget is that rejection from mother stings so bad and leaves children so scarred and dysfunctional.

There is also a special place in hell reserved for those mothers who do nothing but criticise their children for failing to live up to their dreams. You see, most of our mothers set high expectations and demands about what they want us to be. In most cases, most of these expectations are informed by an honest desire to produce upright members of society. In cases of toxic mothers, they believe their children solely exist to achieve the things they failed to achieve, or to achieve the things that will make them look good in society - as if they have finally arrived.

What is even more disturbing is that this kind of behaviour is often directed at daughters and not sons. It usually applies to unfulfilled ambitions around lifestyles and marriages. You will have a single motherconstantly berating her daughter for failing to bag a man (preferably one who meets her checklist)). You will have a mother constantly faulting her children for failing to provide her with what she considers as the right material comforts such as funds for all village chamas, a few prize dairy cows, a new water tank and even holidays abroad.  This constant criticism has been known to drive wedges between mothers and their children.

You also have mothers who do not respect boundaries – especially those about age and in-laws.

There are some toxic mothers who stubbornly refuse to accept that with age comes the need to behave and dress a certain way. These mothers simply refuse to graciously surrender the things and fashion of their youth as they show up to important family functions (usually at their in-laws) sheathed in spandex or giving their droopy cleavage maximum visibility.

You have those mothers who do not understand decorum and good manners and often allow themselves to get too familiar, or too inebriated in the presence of their children’s important friends or spouses. There are toxic mothers who feel so entitled to their children’s assets, that they become permanent house guests terrorising everyone with their diva demands.

Children of bad mothers live their lives with deep emotional scars that are usually hard to treat - for as we know nothing hurts as bad as family.

So today, I hope that some bad mothers will change their ways. I also salute the good mothers who do an amazing job for they are God’s best angels. Happy Mothers Day!

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