Bliss ahead as marriage fireworks rebound

By Iponima Mtabingwa

Absconditta’s rally from the brink of self-inflicted emotional disaster was remarkable. Luckily, she had not slumped to psychiatric levels. In just three months, my wife had trimmed her weight, spruced up her image and, yes, she was back to the old talkative and jolly girl I relished spending every moment of my time with before we married. She restored stunning beauty to the extent of stirring jealous in me.

You see, a beautiful wife is the nightmare of every husband. He is always on the lookout for some wicked wink attempting to attract her attention. My cousin George, twice divorced, took note of the transformation.

As if reading my mind, he poked fun at me, "Be ready for some serious competition. But take solace; it should concern every husband to walk around with a spouse who can’t arouse another man’s interest."

"Are you suggesting I stand by and look impassively as some man ogles at Abs? There would sure be some rapid fire response," I said.

"A man ogling at your wife confirms that you really have some good stuff in your house. The alternative is having the old Abs — unkempt and dirty! Is that what you want?" He put it so brutally that I felt embarrassed.

Opened her heart

On one of those rare occasions when Absconditta opened her heart to me, she bared out how her mother, Lavender, nearly rocked our marriage.

"To tell the world how immoral and unfaithful she had been to my dad was shocking. Ipo, I feared you were going to perceive me as imbued with the gene of infidelity from her. To be sincere, that visit was a game changer," Abs said imploringly, disarming me.

It is difficult to excavate the recesses of a spouse’s secrets, let alone prise open the depository of the heart. I had long come to the conclusion that marriage is one of those institutions truth rarely comes out. It is an institution built around second-guessing and illogical conclusions.

"Naimana, it’s good to hold onto hope," I responded, rather vaguely. I addressed her with her maiden name for the first time in many years. It was a signal that our romance was back on course and our marriage was on a roll.

Lost hope

"Personally, I had lost hope of our marriage ever withstanding the turbulence caused by your family," I replied, not quite getting to the point.

Circumvention or what others call ‘fencing’ is an art of dialogue in marriage, where never getting to the point straight curries conversations lest you hurt the other person’s feelings. With it too you avoid being entrapped in pitfalls.

Maiden and second names, especially in abbreviated forms, are an established code couples use to communicate passion. It breaks the ice and warms up couples.

The code has defied time and Absconditta calls me Ipo more to discreetly let me know that love is in the air.

I reciprocate by calling her Naimana. It spiced up our interaction and its domino effect could be felt all over the house.

Save for my daughter Blessings who is in boarding school, my son Innocent and younger daughter Tina too savoured these moments of covert intimacy between their parents. With time, I realised ‘courtship’ or seduction in marriage is a delicate and subtle indulgence.

Father’s intention to visit

As Absconditta’s ‘recovery plan’ entered the homestretch, word reached my dad, Matulumayo (my community’s corruption of a beautiful Christian name — Bartholomew), that things were looking up at my family front, my father sent word of his intention to visit.

You see, if there was someone else for Abs’ heart, then my dad was the candidate. For some reason, he was really fond of her.

My mother Majilita — a corruption of Margaret — always suspected that her daughter-in-law was faking her emotional turbulence to get daddy’s attention.

"I know she is feigning emotional withdrawal as an excuse to engage in illicit things," she told my father to discourage him from visiting.

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