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Papa English, who only drinks his standard three bottles daily, recalled a story that explained how he met Sister Lucy, his dread-locked, veve-chewing, Blue Moon swilling, chain-smoking ka-chick.
Papa English was so moved when telling the story, he broke financial protocol by throwing a helicopter round to Kang’ethe, Owish, Diameter, the political analyst, Nyambu Sinyorita and Waka-Knife, our lifetime butcher, who thinks the work of milking goat intestines to make mutura - the only Kenyan delicacy not found in supermarkets - is so intense it should cost Sh100 and not just Sh20.
Miss Penny and Kot-Kot were missing in action. Throwing drinks has ways of making the buyer appear more important and loaded. Diameter was thus staring at Papa English with unusual interest, the kind that seems to say beer moja haina mkojo.
Papa English mouthed that he worked in Nairobi and would visit his family over the weekend in Nakuru, where his wife moved in with a reedy neighbour five blocks away from their house.
It was the talk of the hood that so stressed Papa English “nili lala Gituamba Bar niki kunywa kama ghasia!” he said, pausing for theatrical effect.
Nyambu, who still can’t recall who shaved her pubic hair when she went for ‘service and overhaul’ at Raha Yangu Bar & Lodging, was hanging to his every word, her bottle of ‘engine oil’ suspended half way towards her dry lips.
To cut a long story short “my friend advised that we kill the guy who was living with my wife,” said Papa English. At this point Nyambu, switched off Don Williams’ Listen to the Radio song that was playing in the background. The pair gassed from Nairobi to a Nakuru nightclub the target of their murderous intentions patronised. “The plan was that we drink, cause a scene at the dance floor, stab him to death and disappear!”
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But then Papa English bumped into Sister Lucy at the dance floor and began entertaining ungodly ideas of ‘kupimanisha kitovu mpaka chee’ and forgot to kill the guy. Papa English has been ‘measuring the belly button’ with Sister Lucy ever since
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