Nothing wrong with 8-4-4 model, private schoolingis just posh

Group of teenage students studying together in art class

Last week, I came across a rather interesting piece of news from Rwanda which claims that private schools in Rwanda are closing due to lack of enrollment. They say the reason for this change in state of affairs is that public schools have become so good that parents have made the natural decision to change where they place their tots. If this is not fake news, then it is good news and reason to marvel and celebrate at the strides this country has taken.

It also had me thinking about how here in Kenya, most parents like to swear by private schooling. Some of them will tell us they like private schools because they offer the best for their children.

This is actually spin for the fact that parents see sending their precious tots to private school as the ultimate status symbol - a way to show the masses that they have arrived. So today, I offer a simple guide on choosing private schoolin a way that elevates one’s social status to sky-high levels.

When it comes to private school selection, it pays to start really early – basically as soon as the child can walk or is potty trained. The tiny tot must be taken to the best private school possible even if it means all they do is play and colour all day.

It also helps to invest a fair amount of time in due diligence in determining which is the ‘in’ fad or methodology when it comes to early child education. A few searches on good old Google and informal research among other parents can inform the aspiring parent on which overpriced private school to dispatch their barely-out-of-diapers tots to. For reasons I am yet to fully understand, it seems there is an unspoken role that requires these nouveau riche parents to constantly verbalise their utter and total dislike for the 8-4-4 system. They are expected to use every opportunity they get - be it the family gathering, be it the conversation in the office canteen to tell the whole world how their child is simply not made for this horrible system.

The vitriol directed towards the 8-4-4 system often baffles me considering that most of these wannabe posh parents are fairly decent and successful products of the same system they criticise.

In selecting the right private school, parents must also invest a considerable amount of time in evaluating the profile of other parents who have chosen to make the ‘wise’ decision in terms of education. In many cases, parents are willing to overlook important details like analysing the school’s libraries, its teacher to student ratio as they focus on the parent profile.

The right parent profile ideally should include a generous sprinkling of parents who are from old (and ideally famous) money, parents who are high flying executives in corporate Kenya and of course the mandatory quota of parents from outside Kenya’s borders. 

Since this profile might be not that initially that easy to come by, it is advisable for aspiring parents to expand their research to include random visits to the school’s car park especially during important dates like visiting days. The number of fuel guzzlers and in some cases helicopters present are a fairly good indicator if the school will provide the bragging rights the parent really needs.

As many parents will tell you, sending your tot to the right private school often becomes a total shift in lifestyle. 

To portray message and earn the right amount of envy and jealousy, parents must spend a fair amount of time appearing to comment on how currency fluctuations are impacting their fees statements - better still one must know when and how to bring Brexit and Trump into conversations around fees. 

The said parent must not appear to be ‘complaining’ - he or she must always be seen to be merely commenting.

To complete the picture of the parent who pays top dollar for education, the said parent must also invest a sizeable amount of money in as many extra-curricular activities as possible. Choose an activity that confers the right halo of prestige – one can never lose with piano classes though I am told games like cricket and croquet are way up there in earning top marks.

Investments must also be made to ensure the posh kids engage in the right activities during the holidays. Gone are the days when holidays meant going upcountry - the ‘right’ holidays include going to exotic places like Dubai, Madagascar and returning home with the right mementos to show off. So until Kenya becomes like Rwanda, it is safe to assume that private schooling will be used as a determinant of status – of the parents not of the child.

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