Ten types of tailors Kenyans know too well

Ten types of tailors Kenyans know too well (Photo: iStock) In Kenya, there is one character almost everyone knows: Fundi wa nguo - the tailor. To some, he is a saviour who can rescue your wardrobe at short notice. To others, he is the cause of countless headaches, missed deadlines, and ill-fitting outfits. While there are excellent tailors who take pride in their craft, the majority have gained a reputation for mischief, unreliability, or plain comedy. Here are 10 unforgettable tailors that most Kenyans have encountered at one point or another. 1. The total quack This tailor appears to have stumbled into the trade by accident rather than passion. You hand him fabric for a sharp suit, only to receive something either two sizes too large or tight enough to cut off your blood circulation. His only advantage? He's cheap - and in a market with too few reliable fundis, desperation often forces you back to him. 2. The disappointing chap You spell it out clearly: "I need this outfit ready by Friday for a ruracio (dowry ceremony)." He nods solemnly, and even assures you he will throw in a little "finishing touch." Come the big day, his shop is firmly shut. Calls to his phone either go unanswered, go mteja, or he mutters, "Niko kwa kelele, call later." You end up dusting off your old clothes for the special event, vowing never again - until you forget and repeat the cycle 3. The disorganised one Her workshop is a chaotic mountain of fabric, needles, and half-finished garments. You deliver your blouse for a minor repair, but collection day is a nightmare. She digs through piles for hours, muttering to herself as you wait in despair. At last, she resurfaces triumphantly with your blouse, as if she has unearthed buried treasure. 4. The online designer On Instagram, Facebook and TikTok, her designs sparkle. She posts sleek gowns and glamorous suits that would rival Paris runways. Impressed, you rush to her shop, only to be presented with something that looks nothing like the pictures. You protest, "But is this the same dress you posted?" She shrugs: "Camera tu haikupiga vizuri." Weeks later, you discover the truth - she has simply been copy-pasting Pinterest photos to lure unsuspecting clients. 5. The storyteller This tailor spends his days spinning yarns rather than sewing them. Politics, football, village gossip - he is a radio station. When you ask about your clothes, he waves you off: "Relax, madam, we are almost done." Yet the needle has not moved in a week. To distract you, he keeps the conversation flowing until you find yourself laughing, listening, and eventually saying, "Nitakuja kesho." 6. The on-and-off tailor Reliability is not her strong suit. Sometimes the door is locked, sometimes the window is ajar with no one inside, sometimes the entire workshop is deserted. On the rare occasions you catch her, she works feverishly for a few hours before disappearing again. 7. The disappearing fundi This one vanishes and takes ages to come back. You bring fabric, pay a deposit, but two days later, shop closed. Weeks later, you spot her at the market, cheerfully announcing, "Nilikuwa shags!" 8. The professional Rare but real, this tailor is a beacon of integrity. He delivers what he promises, on time and to specification. If he cannot meet a deadline, he tells you plainly rather than spin tales. He treats his craft with dignity, and for that, his clients reward him with loyalty and respect. 9. The "fixer" fundi You take the trousers for a small zip replacement. He smiles, "No problem." On collection day, you find an entirely new design: pockets added, belt loops removed. When you ask why, he beams with pride: "Naona hii design iko poa hivi." You leave bewildered, clutching trousers you hardly recognise. 10. The genius Every so often, you meet the master. Whether it is a school uniform, a man's suit, or a flamboyant wedding gown, he will design and make it perfectly. You ask, "Can you make this?" He says "Yes" before you even finish. You say, "But it's a wedding gown with lights and feathers." He smiles, "Hii ni kitu ndogo." You doubt him, but when you return, the garment is flawless.

Ten types of tailors Kenyans know too well

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