Transfer window: Did your househelp flake on you?

Transfer window: Did your maid househelp flake on you? (Photo: iStock) A WhatsApp message from a househelp informing her employer that she wouldn't be returning after the holidays because she had gotten married - and, ironically, was now looking for a house help herself - has gone viral on social media. The story has struck a chord with many who have had similar experiences of the unpredictability of domestic managers in a month that is supposed to be about new beginnings. Anne's story is all too common. Her 22-year-old housekeeper returned from the Christmas break with a noticeable behaviour change. "She extended her holiday by two weeks without telling me. On her return, she spends her days locked in her room. When she's not there, she sings loudly with her headphones on. I can't even ask her to do anything without getting a condescending look," Anne said in frustration. In her househelp's absence, Anne's children have stepped in to help around the house. The result? Broken utensils, piles of laundry and a mother on the brink of exhaustion. "These few days have felt like a year," she said, her voice heavy with frustration. The situation struck a chord with other mothers in the WhatsApp group, the narrative echoing from one member to another. "Every year when they come back after Christmas, they come back with an attitude," agreed one woman. Another added: "It's almost like they've gone to a school of rebellion over the holidays and you're the test subject for their newfound independence." One employer shared her dilemma after her housekeeper returned visibly different - if not in attitude. "She came back pregnant. She's not showing yet, but all the signs are there. Now I'm wondering if she can take care of my children, or if I'll be the one who ends up taking care of her," the employer wondered aloud. The fare trick The infamous 'fare trick' used by some domestic workers is as old as the hills. Mothers told stories of domestic helpers asking for transport from the village back to Nairobi, only for the employer to discover that they were already in the city. Victoria, a mother of one, recounted her experience: "She called and said she was stuck in the village and needed a fare to get back. I sent the money immediately, desperate to get her back. Imagine my shock when, later that day, I saw her walking around the neighbourhood with her boyfriend. She'd been in town all along, enjoying her extended holiday. I felt so betrayed. It's infuriating." Florence, a mother of two, had released her domestic help at the beginning of December, agreeing with her that she would report back on January 5, two days before she was due to return to work and before her eight-year-old Grade 3 son was due to return to school. Florence also has a two-year-old daughter who is taken care of by the housekeeper. When Florence called the housekeeper on the agreed day of return, the housekeeper apologised, saying that she had lost her aunt and had to return to the village the following Saturday to attend the funeral. She added that she had used up all her savings and needed help with the return fare. Florence was forced to ask her younger sister to babysit for her for a week, in the hope that her maid would return and that the fare they had negotiated would be deducted from her January salary once she had sent it. She never returned. "When I called her mobile phone, someone pretending to be the father picked up and said she was travelling that night (from Western Kenya to Nairobi) and would be back in the morning. She never showed up. Her phone went unanswered and when she finally picked up two days later, she said she had started a business. "I asked her to refund the fare and she went on to say that this was her 'benefit' before hanging up," said Florence, whose harrowing experience forced her to hire her niece to work for her for two weeks before she would find another reliable househelp. The unexpected void Emily Korir, a mother of five, faced an even bigger challenge. Her housekeeper told her the day before she was due to return that she would be delaying her arrival to attend to her children's school matters. "She couldn't even say how long she would be away. I told her to find another job because I couldn't wait - I had to start work the next day and I didn't have any leave days to spare," said Emily. Trust issues Evelyn, who had trusted her housekeeper for over two decades, discovered a disturbing truth after installing nanny cameras. What she found shook her to the core. "She would wake up around 4am every day and tiptoe into the living room with something in her hands. She'd pour it near my favourite seat and perform yoga-like rituals. I saved the videos and eventually got rid of her quietly," Evelyn said. The betrayal didn't stop there. Evelyn discovered her maid had been stealing food, once claiming they'd run out of a whole sack of charcoal after Evelyn returned from a two-week trip. "In the meantime, I paid her salary on time, covered her NHIF and even went shopping for her parents. I learned the hard way - never trust a domestic worker 100 per cent," she said. For some employers, humour becomes a coping mechanism. "Hapo kwa kuiba foodstuff, tumelisha jamii," one mother joked, which translates as "About stealing foodstuff, we've fed the community". The phrase, while light-hearted, reflects the frustration of watching resources meant for the household mysteriously disappear. The transfer window Emily jokingly refers to January as the "transfer window" for domestic helpers. "This is when many decide to leave, find new employers or demand unreasonable terms and conditions," says Emily. Despite her frustrations, Sarah Kimani, a mother of two, counts herself lucky. In 16 years of parenting, she's had five nannies, three of whom stayed for a while, with smooth transitions. Others aren't so lucky. Jackie recalls a relative who paid a whole year's school fees for her nanny's children, believing it would encourage loyalty, only for the nanny to leave without notice. "It was shocking. One day she was there and the next she was gone. You can never predict her next move," laments Jackie. She jokingly concludes that finding a reliable domestic manager requires nothing less than a year-long novena. "They can be so unpredictable," she explained. A balancing act For many employers, navigating the dynamics of domestic help is a balancing act between compassion and practicality. Sometimes, no matter how understanding you are, some will still take advantage, as Anne learned. Once a domestic worker herself, Anne promised to treat her employees with kindness and respect: "I was treated so well as a housekeeper that I vowed that if I ever made it big, I'd treat my own housekeepers so wonderfully that they'd never want to leave. Then I hired my first 'daybug' - a housekeeper who lived nearby and came in during the day. Big mistake. She treated my house like a casual hangout, turning up whenever she felt like it. "One day, after another late arrival, I asked her, 'Would you walk into an office job like that?' Instead of an answer, she burst into tears and cried, 'You talk to me so badly! I stood there confused, wondering if I'd accidentally hired a part-time actress instead of a housekeeper." Stories abound of domestic workers sneaking out shopping bags, stealing food or simply refusing to follow the rules. However, many employers do their best to create a harmonious relationship. Some even go above and beyond, offering bonuses, paying for medical insurance and supporting their domestic workers' families. Despite the challenges, many employers remain hopeful. Sarah summed it up perfectly: "Getting a good house help is luck, prayer and persistence. When you find one, treasure them, but always have a backup plan.

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