Living single: When you just can’t find your perfect match

Mary Arivisa is a nominated MCA serving in the Nairobi County Assembly during the interview. ON 21/07/2018(Jenipher Wachie, Standard)
None of the men I have met came close to Mr Right

Mary Ariviza Mwami, 56, an ODM nominated MCA

I am not married because I haven’t met the right person yet. There have been good men in my life. Some are my friends up to date. But they were not Mr Right. I was never in a hurry to get married. And didn’t want to get married because society expects me to. That said I haven’t ruled out getting married yet.

Boys did make advances – even when I was still young and in school. Men will always make advances. I was the one who didn’t want to just go with the flow; compromise what I believe just to make society more accepting.

I don’t think my academic achievements have stopped me from getting to the altar. Yes I have a Master’s degree and on the track to my PHD but don’t you know many other well educated women who are also married? For me it isn’t about the academics, It is about staying true to God’s principles. When a right man comes he accepts you for who you are and you know it and so does he.

My family has expressed concern about my single status. Sometimes subtle questions are asked now and then. My grandmother once referred a pilot to me. She was worried that I was taking too long to find a suitable mate. I declined his advances because while my grandmother had the right intentions, I would be the one stuck in an arranged – possibly loveless – marriage. He was not a born-again Christian. I believe I should marry a man of the same faith and values. Even within church, when I attend a wedding, there are people always asking, ‘When is yours?’

My political opponents have never attacked me based on my unmarried status. If it were to happen I would still walk with my head high. Anyone who tries to argue against me in that manner wouldn’t be intelligent by any measure. However, there are people who treat unmarried women as lesser beings. I believe it is the content in your brain that matters and not your marital status.

I want a man aware of his purpose on earth.  He has to understand that I have my own dreams and I want to achieve them. He has to respect me the same way he expects me to respect him. He shouldn’t be intimidated by me. And most of all he has to love and revere God. He has to love me as Christ loved the church.

I don’t think my standards are too high. Those are God’s standards. God expects us to honour and respect one another.

If I don’t have children of my own, I will not have any regrets. The only way I can have children is by first getting married. I am not opposed to motherhood or getting married. If I meet the right person today and end up getting married and God gives me children, I would be happy. Plus, I may not be a biological mother but at the moment  I have  two boys and one girl I consider my children because I support them. I pay university fees for two others. I have nurtured many young people. So, I am a mother: just not a biological one.

 Before committing to marriage be sure that, one, you are ready physically, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. And two, you are not being pushed by anyone or society’s expectations. As a counselling psychologist I can tell you through my counselling experience: living with the wrong spouse is hell on earth. Many of us chose lives that society shoves down our throats. This knowledge has allowed me to analyse before choosing to go into something or not. If one lives to please people or the society then one may never reach their destiny.

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