Celebrity Cliché Answers

By Kevin Oguoko

Good sound bites elevate one’s image, especially in celebrity circles all over the world. The problem is that every other celebrity seems to say the exact thing, especially when pushed against the wall.

Though some of these answers may seem as an excellent quick response of their tribulations at that particular point in time, over time, people have come to read in between the lines.

“She knows herself, I don’t have to mention her name.”

“I like to keep my personal life private.”

These are some of the most common answers, especially by male celebrities, to the question; “Who are you currently dating?”

In reality, he just can’t pick one. He has a string of girlfriends and this answer is meant to throw all of them off. With each of them thinking that they are ‘the only one’ being kept safe from stubborn paparazzi.

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Meanwhile, someone’s daughter gathers her friends to show them the full-page interview of their beloved while pointing specifically at one line and brag; “He is talking about me here, you know”...not knowing a half-dozen more chics are doing the same somewhere else on that same interview.

They just don’t get me…” and  “I am always so misunderstood.”

Apparently, being bitchy is the in thing in town. Don’t believe me, type ‘Huddah’ in Twitter’s Search space and click the Enter button.

And so everyone out there wants us to believe that they are different in real life, and their social sites’ personas are just that, personas.

Thus after feeding us enough nude pictures, which are not bad-looking, and a couple of Instagram dildo photos, someone wants us to believe they are pure, underneath in it all.

Weird thing is when the backlash is not so pretty and you start comparing yourself to Chris Brown or, in Michael Jackson’s case, comparing himself to Nelson Mandela.

Well, you make the bed, so lie on it. literally.

“Even in the US, that’s how it’s done.”

We admit the US entertainment industry has and will always be a trendsetter in this side of Africa for decades to come.

This excuse is meant to provide credibility to whichever trend is going on and act as some sort of defence mechanism.

But trends as fashion are in one day, and out the next. So timing is a factor and not everything that happens in America passes in Africa.

When guys picked on Marya for her alleged overuse of auto-tune during her roast on Twitter late last year, her fellow auto-tune stars came out in her defence. 

One who was particularly bruised was one Philip, Ogopa DJs producer. He asked; “What is wrong with using auto-tune? The Americans are using it…T-Pain is in on it and famous too”.

What Philip failed to add were additional six characters; ‘in 2009’.

It’s like trying to say having a pager and wearing Fubu oversize football jerseys are cool because they (Americans) once did it.

“They are just haters.”

According to the urban dictionary, a hater is someone that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. But people have interpreted the term ‘hater’ to be someone who finds any type of fault in what goes against one’s belief.

So anyone who makes the slightest criticism of their latest works or disagrees with them is out rightly labelled a hater by them and their fans.

Bamboo came out chest-thumping that he is 28 years of age. And everyone who swore that they used to sing along to his songs when they were toddlers and are now around 28 years of age were dismissed as ‘haters’.

Ooh well.

“I am a self-made hustler”

There are some supportive parents out there and they go far in investing in their children’s career choices. And now we have parents fully supporting their children in the vibrant and flashy showbiz industry

But apparently, everyone wants to be seen as someone who started from the very bottom and not just as a mommy’s boy, which in most cases is the truth.

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