We woz the great and powerful
With Smitta Smitten
- - 05th Apr 2013 00:00:00 GMT +0300
Leaving the comfort of ‘Kenya Comfort’ after a boddla wine (waz orakoing for Italia, the country) wit me best buddy, God Oduor, aka Martin, n the gorgeous Goth-Sheila Phi Mbugua, we took a stroll down to 20th Century sinema, where I-MAX, the folks who brought 3D visuality to Kenya, were holdin’ a first aniv bash for their media pals.
I waz happy to see yutful Alexei, pretty Pollina, their Eastern Euro boss Mr A, Tarras the marketer n beautyful Anya Ratnokova, who made fun of me for being wit a bevv of beauxes — Tash n the marketing tsarinas Illuminata, Mwende, Muthei, Jems, Tshix, n Sul the Cool. The other guys were the boy trio; Kim, Kim and Mrefu.
(Tangent — talkin’ of Kim, why does that young a**-o prezzo of North Korea, Kim, wit his duck’s a** hair-do, keep threatening to do in Seoul, with his nukes. Chinky should know the war in Korea’s been over for sixty years. N surely, the CJ coulda done better Sato than give us a three minute ruling. Kwani Law also has quickies?).
Inside the fab Arfa Afra Lounge bar at the 20th plaza, we sat on zebra-skin covered vitis n chapad ‘gogo-thails’ of coke-n-vodoski, and juice-n-gin, our hosts being the I-Max Russkis, n Ukranians. N talkin of gin n juice, imma thinkin’ Snoop (wen he was a dawg n not a lion) and the way his lyriks were prophetik ta todae’s don’t care yut: -
“Two in da mornin’ n de party still yumpin’ (coz momma ain’t home)/ I got mamsillas in the livin’ room gettin’ it on/ and they ain’t leavin’ till six in de mornin’ ... ( response)
Rolling down the street smokin indo, sippin’ on gin-n-juice, laid back, wit ma mind on my money, n my money on my mind ...”
For More of This and Other Stories, Grab Your Copy of the Standard Newspaper.
Then twas tyme to move to the actual state-o-de-art I-MAX theatre, put on our 3D goggles, n get laid back, sippin’ on coke-n-vodoski, watching the movie OZ, The Great n Powerful. Now, normally, tis our Shirley Genge who gone do our movie reviews ... but since I was at OZ, n she waz in de house, imma gonna do this one, lad/ette.
Basically, tis the tale of a con magician at the turn of tha 19th/20th Century who gets transported in a hurricane via hot air balloon to the land of Oz, which at first looks like a psychedelic paradise after yuv died! There is a hot witch wit luvly eyes our Conmondos of Oz seems to fall for (haven’t we, in past lives, all fallen for hot witches wit nice eyes?) Tangent: - whenever dudes ask me if, in dudettes, I look for titskis, mogoros or buttskis, I tell ‘em the ukweli. None of all three. Like dat Vera’s dendai does jack 4 me. Imma macho guy, like ‘eyes are the window of the soul’ n all dayt shiizzo. A mamacita wit glorious machos n a beautyfl face n smile licks dendai, legz n titskis, period!
Where were we? O yeah, the Wizard of Oz, of course.
Anyway, tis a sawa sawa movie, yu should go wit the entire family, etc, and for the rem of the year, I-MAX has got some fab dizzle in store for ya — Man of Steel, Iron Man 2, Hobbit 2 (yayy), Star Trek Two, n Fast n Furious 6 (tho by the tyme a flick getsa six, yu gotta question either the intellegence of its viewers, or ask ka ni series).
If yu ain’t seen an I-Max flick in 3D, yu got no idea watt yur missing, I mean dat!
Outside, now, the gang moved to Fiesta @ Chester — but twas kinda dead.
So we went on to Parkside, beluved of thespians, n ordered raos of schnapps n vodoski, n talked matope.
To be fair, I started off on a ka-Chinua Achebe angle, but waz cut off by a shout : ‘Imagine watching Jada Fire in 3D?” (If yuv got no idea who Jada Fire is, I suggest yu put this down wryte now, n google dat nympho!) ...
(Shock on Yu, Tube)!!
Kama ume-recover from Jada’s fire, (heh heh), I can tell ya that gang now began talkin of deacons wit ha8d-ons, n other things woodie goodie — the supreme court we were not (n waz dat wit Keithi K gettin’ so famous, her 4head waz a trending topic last week)? Mimi kama yeye, ninge ge Ahmednassir header akini-sumbua sana, tuone ka ata-survive ama ata-come kotini na kofia kama ile ya Petr Cech.
We then moved to Tamasha, where me crazie old pal Wawesh bought me a couple of Heinneken cans (chug chug, niiicee), n the chickas grooved n moved on de dance floor, and some drooling dude jaribud to grab Tash’s ass n got bitch-slapped twice, those ones of fore-hand n back-hand, like a tennis openin’, for his trabos. Afterwards, dude looked dazed, staring thru his n-gogos wit the eyes of a frog at Tash as Tamasha laffed at him:-
Guys, don’t go slappin’ ladies’ dendais! Yu cud get biach-slapped. Besides, those are the tabias our buddas used to do wit bar maids called Roda. Don’t do it, too, mah fah.
Do not miss out on the latest news. Join the Standard Digital Telegram channel HERE.
I-MAX 3D Chinua Achebe