Parliament has been a big bedroom in the last 5 years as MPs fight, sleep with each other

The 11th and 12th parliaments, blamed oft times for elevating party and party leader over national interests and looking the other way as corruption and public debt spiraled out of control, surprisingly churned out a staggering number of bills and laws. Theirs was no mean feat, considering that honourable members from opposing factions were always rearing to go for each other's throats. Disagreements could sometimes comically slip below the belt, like when a feisty female MP complained that a male colleague attempted to pull down her knickers during a melee in the House. "I was boxed in the eye by (Gatundu South MP) Moses Kuria, as one permanent drunk pulled down my panty and two others lifted my dress," Mbita MP Millie Odiambo Mabona posted on Facebook. "But I am not of the 'ayayaya you slapped' me fame. Moses Kuria amejua why I am an elected MP from Mbita, and not appointed... when they tried to undress me I completed the process for them," said Millie in a 2014 dispatch by The Standard. Nay, Moses Kuria responded, insisting he never approached Millie during the stormy session. "I did not get anywhere near Millie Odhiambo. I take Ministry of Health Ebola warnings very seriously," he tweeted rather unkindly. Later, however, he told The Standard that he slapped his female colleague after she attacked Deputy Speaker Joyce Laboso (now deceased). "I slapped her because she wanted to assault the Deputy Speaker. That was great disrespect," Kuria said, which was rather rich coming from a politician whose brand is built upon sordid disrepect. "She just stripped herself. Nobody tried to undress her. She undressed herself. She was undressing there... and even her fellow women were shocked at her actions." But while these sideshows were playing out in Bunge, some MPs were bonking the daylights out of each other chini ya maji, or so they thought until their trysts spilled into the public domain. There are those whose transgressions became public because their nakedness was captured on tape. Like the woman rep who got embroiled in a scandal involving a leaked sex video that she insisted was a fake meant to tarnish her name. When the matter spilled into the House, things got so heated that Kimilili MP Dismus Barasa threatened to punch Nairobi Woman Rep Esther Passaris for interfering with his speech. "Honourable Speaker, I will punch this lady who is speaking," he said. Pasarris, no pushever herself, dared him to bring it on. But who would forget Benson Masubo alias Wazir Chacha, the self-confessed toy boy who was accused of extorting female MPs he was alleged to have banged vide nude photos of them in action? "Me? 13 MPs?" Chacha wailed. "But I only 'ate' three!" One was a matronly Rift Valley Woman Rep whose bits were doing the rounds all over social media. Such was the stink that Chacha was even accused of using what Parliament would describe as 'honourable panty privilege' to solicit money from numerous female Members of Parliament. Muranga County Woman Representative Sabina Chege insisted that was not the case and complained that some fraudulent phone lines had been registered by conmen in MPs' names for the pupose of squeezing money from waheshimiwa and senior public figures. Majority Leader Aden Duale and Minority Whip Junet Mohammed agreed, claiming that the cyber bullies were even sending waheshimwa obscene photos. "Some of the pictures I have here are parts of a naked human being; if I show you, you cannot even look (sic) with your eyes," Duale said amid laughter from his colleagues. Chris Wamalwa (Kiminini) confessed that he too had been "suffering in silence" over the matter. "Just recently, the same lady sent me something and I tried to open it; the sounds that came out of it made it difficult to speak in my house. This matter is breaking families!" complained Wamalwa. Could this phone business have been part of the Waziri Chacha saga? While DCI Director George Kinoti maintained that his sleuths had discovered Chacha was involved in one way or other with many female MPs, the matter became rather complicated when a magistrate ruled that Chacha could be bonkers. Huh? But bonkers, Meru Senator Mithika Linturi was not. In his words, his only crime was getting thoroughly drunk, wandering into the wrong hotel room and stripping naked. Problem is, there was a naked woman in that very hotel room bed, so she screamed, "Rape!", heightening the tribulations of a man whose bedroom affairs were already public account of a messy divorce case. What the woman never explained, however, is how she summoned the 'odosity' to sleep uchi wa mnyama in a hotel room without locking the door. Either way, this ngono business was threatening to break many homes in that Bunge. Waheshimiwa were not just bonking each other, they were devolving their assets out of the Chamber in a steamy food web where energy was spread up and down the food chain through repeated eating. The scandal! Incrimnating sex chats between two senators popping onto the front page of this newspaper, or the intimate phone conversations between yet another senator and a rather jaded female political-has-been; and another senator whose wife was stroked out of millions by a well-hung Congolese con. The scandal! But if this fornication proved anything, it is that waheshimiwa are true representatives of the Kenyan people.

Parliament has been a big bedroom in the last 5 years as MPs fight, sleep with each other

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