Enough: How to know when to apologise, or not

The word “sorry” often acts as the social glue holding relationships together and smoothing over rough patches.

Although apologies hold immense value in fostering understanding and repairing mistakes, there are times when the constant refrain of “sorry” can hinder growth and undermine our sense of worth.

Navigating the nuances of when to apologise and when to stand firm becomes an essential skill in the journey of mental wellness and healthy communication.

It must be understood that apologising for everything, even situations beyond your control or actions that are not wrong in themselves can paint an inaccurate picture of yourself as someone who is constantly at fault.

This happens to all of us, especially if you are caught off guard. Like maybe you leave out some details while making a presentation during a board meeting and your colleague points that minor issue out.

The immediate urge might be to apologise profusely, attributing the oversight to your forgetfulness or lack of thoroughness. In such a scenario, a simple acknowledgement and a plan to rectify the error would suffice.

A response like that demonstrates professionalism, accountability and confidence in your work, avoiding the unnecessary dilution of your abilities with an apology.

There are, however, situations where an apology becomes an essential component of healthy communication.

When you have genuinely made a mistake or caused harm to another person, offering a sincere apology is critical. It demonstrates your acknowledgement of their feelings, your remorse for the situation and your commitment to taking responsibility.

The key lies in discerning the situations that warrant an apology from those that do not.

Did you make a mistake or act in a way that negatively impacted someone else? If so, an apology is appropriate.

Are you apologising for something beyond your control? In such instances, an acknowledgement or explanation might be more appropriate.

Are you apologising for your feelings or opinions? Owning your emotions and expressing yourself authentically is crucial and apologies for personal opinions are unnecessary.

Remember, assertive communication comes into play in both accepting responsibility for genuine mistakes and standing firm when unnecessary apologies would undermine your self-worth or dilute the validity of your actions.

By learning to navigate these nuances, you empower yourself to communicate effectively, build healthy relationships and cultivate a sense of self-confidence grounded in personal accountability.