Only tell the right lies to your partner

Hi Chris,

I am having a dispute with my boyfriend about lying. Like I cannot stop myself from 'rounding down' the price when I tell him about something I have bought. But he says we should always tell the exact truth to one another. Is that true?

Caught Lying

Hi Caught Lying!

In principle, couples should be truthful to one another, but they are often better off if they keep some things private! Like if you do not like your boyfriend's mother, it is probably a good idea to keep that thought to yourself. But there are many situations where lying to your partner is definitely wrong. Like the odd drink without your boyfriend knowing anything about it is perfectly okay.

But once your drinking becomes something you do not want him to know about, then you have crossed an invisible line. Secret spending or investment is just as poisonous. Likewise, it is fine to chat with someone on the internet, or even with an ex. But the moment you start lying about it, something is going wrong.

We are discrete when we start dating. Because dates do not want the blunt truth as soon as they meet. They expect you to smarten up and be polite. But most courting couples also know that there comes a point in every relationship where you have to start getting to know one another properly.

So lying does seem to be a fact of life. We lie to protect each other's feelings. And businessmen lie about delivery dates and prices all the time. Negotiators see nothing wrong in lying to make progress, like claiming to both sides that the other is ready to do a deal.

We even teach our children to lie. Like insisting they tell grandma they like her present when you know that they do not.

As adults, we make excuses to leave a boring party early and then tell our host that we enjoyed it. There is nothing wrong with lies like that, surely? But if you want to be happy together, make sure you only tell the right sort of lies to your partner!

All the best,

Chris