My beef with thoughtless praying and fasting

There are two kinds of churches. The kind where you go, pray, and leave after one hour, and the kind where you worship the whole day and sometimes even through the night. The only time I saw people staying in church all night when I was growing up was on Christmas and New Year's Eve.

Fasting was a concept I had only heard of in school courtesy of CRE lessons and now people are out here trying to act like Christ. He stayed without food in the desert for 40 days and nights, and preachers have now convinced their folk that they can do the same.

I do not know if God is real but religion is something most of us grew up on. We went to Sunday school, sang in the youth choir, and although there are many of us who have been lost in the ways of the world, a lot of people still hold onto Christian teachings. The Bible is probably a work of fiction but Christian teachings are not exactly the worst. Some of us would have turned into thieves and adulterers had we not read the commandments earlier in life so just like alcohol, when the Bible is consumed with wisdom and discipline it can be a good thing.

Believing in something healthy can be pretty good for your general well-being but we have abused Christianity so much that we are not only losing money but people are also dying. To save yourself, you really have to sift the grain from the chaff. There are many false prophets and people trying to get rich through manipulating the word of God and if you are desperate enough, they will always take advantage.

Sift the grain from the chaff

Muslims all over the world fast for 30 days in a month and we have never heard of anyone dying. They exempt the sick, the old, and the bleeding, and they make it a dawn-to-dusk thing. Before a preacher convinces you to fast to death you should ask him to fast for 40 days. If he succeeds you must then ask him to walk on water like Christ, to stop a storm, and to bring people to life like Jesus did.

If we are going to be like Jesus, we cannot be choosy about what we decide to do. We must be who he was and we can start by turning water into wine which would really be helpful because the prices of alcohol are insanely high and we would all be a little richer if preachers started performing miracles such as turning water into Gilbeys before the close of work on Friday.

Women are especially drawn to churches when going through abusive unions or when looking for a husband. No man was healed from being abusive in the Bible so what makes you think that there's a preacher somewhere who's going to do that for you? If it could be done, Jesus would have done it but he never did. The answer to abuse is leaving, not climbing mountains, and crossing rivers to pray.

I believe you have better chances of finding a husband on Tinder than finding one at home through prayer. Do you think a man is going to break into your home, find you on your knees, and propose marriage because you were praying? It doesn't work that way because there are honestly more men in the streets and the bars than there are in churches.

Instead of praying and fasting, please try to go to 1824 or any other pub on a Saturday night wearing a raunchy dress. Men of all professionals assemble there and if you are looking good enough, they never fail to offer a drink.

If the club is not your scene, you can try Tinder which is way easier and less tiring than praying every night for a man. Instead of paying your tithe this month, pay for the Tinder premium. It will give you a lot of choices to choose from and the only thing you have to do is swipe left or right and answer direct messages from the men who swiped right.

Everything is not solved through prayer. There are times when you have to take life by the balls and do what needs to be done. Even the Bible says faith without action is dead and by action, it didn't mean that you have to kill yourself or work hard to enrich pastors who make money out of spewing lies and hope to a hopeless crowd.