Who is to blame when hubby sleeps with house help?

We live in a world where wives see their househelps as enemies. They size them up. They pick the most undesirable, the most uneducated, the most rural of all because they have the duty to protect their husbands from being stolen as if they were a stash of money or a lifeless object that cannot speak for itself.Unequivocally, we also live in a world where men prey on the househelps. They start getting home earlier than usual and in no time the househelp is pregnant. There are families where househelps do not last more than three months because the man of the house makes it his absolute mission to have an affair with every naive and willing woman who steps into his house to help with household chores.

Wife to blame?

It is utterly ridiculous for women to put more responsibility on the defenseless househelp than the husband but I cannot blame them entirely. They grew up in a world where male accountability is largely a foreign concept. Where women have always been in constant competition with each other. It was instilled in them early in life that husbands are prized possessions always at the risk of calculated theft so they are always on guard.

It is also easier to think of a househelp as a rival than a victim of a predatory man. There is no woman who would want to accept that she married, built a home, and had children with a man who could be a potential rapist. It is such a heavy thing to accept. And since women have been conditioned to always fight for their husbands, it is a thing that is almost unimaginable. Love spells exist because of that very reason. They are the security codes women invented to keep their husbands from being stolen.

These security measures are deemed vital because when a man cheats, it always goes down to what we did or what we didn't. Men have never been and they are still never charged with the responsibility of being true to their vows. It is always your duty as a woman to make sure he stays faithful and when he doesn't it is seen as your personal failure.A man cheats on you and before the world holds him accountable they make it about you and your shortcomings. Did you allow the househelp to cook for him? Was she washing his clothes? Did you give him sex regularly or were you always tired? Why did you allow yourself to get fat? How do you expect him to find you desirable if you go to bed with that ugly T-shirt you won in the streets six years ago? Were you too much for him? Did you pray for him as good wives are supposed to? Or were you out there gallivanting like a slay queen with no family to protect?

It is weird how men are believed to be leaders and decision makers in patriarchal societies until they are having an affair and it suddenly makes them blameless victims, who were driven into temptation by external forces stronger than their control. Male promiscuity is never a personal and deliberate choice. The blame always falls on the lover.It is completely absurd how it is women who are always the submissive and the docile party in romantic relationships and marriages but they are still expected to fight other women on the behalf of their husbands as if those women are immune to submitting to male power as is expected of them by both religion and society.

A system that protects househelps

But is it even willingly submitting to a man when you consider the power imbalance that exists in the relationship between the employee and the employer? Why is it always called sexual harassment at the workplace until it is a househelp dealing with a predatory man?

In the corporate world, women have the leeway to report cases of sexual harassment to the human resource department, but who do you report to when you work in a home of a person who considers you more of a rival than a victim of sexual harassment?

There should be a form of structure and system that protects househelps. They are continuously failed by women who value marriage and their husbands more than they value the dignity of the other person working in the household.

There should also be a form of system that gives househelps the chance to tell their stories. We only ever hear the story of the husband who was seduced and that of the woman whose husband was seduced and that narrative is a little too convenient.