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By Dr Pius Musau
‘Marriage is the main reason why people divorce.’ Sounds a dry, uninspired joke, until it recurs in the multiply divorced. That is when it becomes evident; that there is real danger of any marriage one gets into ending the same way.
Marriage as an institution is confronted from many quarters, by competing interests. In the modern world, 50 per cent of new marriages end within the first year. In the African setting, inspiration in marriage is gradually wearing off. Divorce is now a topic of interest, not just on its effects to the couple and children, but on ways to address the challenges of married life. While studies have shown common reasons for divorce, the topic of the serial divorcee is yet to get its due attention.
Traits of a divorcee
Divorcees come in all forms and shapes. There are some traits that are redeemable, while others are likely to take the same path of divorce.
Characteristics likely to keep you divorcing include:
• Baggage from your past: A man or woman who had early exposure to sexual activities, dropped out of school, has a number of dependent children from past relations and is financially unstable, may have the best of the intentions for the next marriage, but this will amount to nothing much.
• Personality traits: The egoistical man and the drama queen will both have it rough in any relationship, just like those who instead of learning from their past relationships, drag ghosts of that past into the present.
• The family you were born into: The female divorce gene has been identified as one of the things your family can bestow on you. This means that children of divorcees are likely to end up like their parents.
• Lack of effective communication: Of all the things that cause divorce, this trumps them. It is the issues spoken about, and words used, that make or destroy any marriage.
• Some careers: The high adrenaline jobs like the military; police and fire fighters have been found to have high levels of divorce rates, just like happens among those who work round the clock like doctors and nurses.
The writer is a lecturer with Moi University, School of Medicine and a consultant urologist
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