I recently saw a woman driving an Isuzu D-Max, double-cab along Ngong’ Road in that radiant mid-morning, Nairobian sun.
She had a floral dress and wore these big sunglasses that gave her some incredibly sexy attitude to life.
She was so happy you would think she had hit a $1 million jackpot worth, got her dream job and the Prince of Monaco had proposed to her, all within the hour. Or probably she was just high on cocaine.
In the back of the pick-up were sacks of potatoes, definitely fresh from a farm. Savour that for a moment: a beautiful woman driving a vehicle that reeks of arrogant masculine potency, so happy, so confident.
Her ballsy defiance turned me on. She is part of the growing number of women who are going for bigger cars, hitherto associated with short, rich men or men with libido issues.
There is an inexplicable testosterone rush in women lately, which I find quite unsettling.
Soon, they might grow beards to prove a point to men. Last year, I went to Hell’s Gate National Park twice. When it came to the perilous rock climbing challenge, men in both groups I travelled in stepped back.
In one moment of male stupidity, when we were cycling, a woman overtook me and I lost my cool and cycled faster only to have a freaky fall that left me with an ugly scar that now decorates my left arm like a tattoo.
I tell you, women are manning up exceedingly.
I have clinically observed how women have been getting in tune with their masculine side. Forget the tomboys whose association with men had to do with their body shapes and a presence of boys in the neighbourhood.
Tomboys have been edged out. This is about women with big boobs, curvy like hour glasses and with sexy soprano voices and painted nails. While physically they are feminine, socially they are masculine in their outlook to life.
Have you noticed that less and less women now drink sweetened alcohol?
More have taken to brownies and whisky. Look at how many women are willing to cheat on their men without any hint of guilt. Back then, guilt used to gnaw them, we thought it was genetic. Not anymore. Look at the number of women who make advances on men, it is embarrassing. At this rate, women might grow scrota and by 2030, we will be a genderless society.
Recently, my young sister-in-law drove from Rongai and I held my heart in my mouth, literally!
She was speeding and zooming past other motorists like some Formula 1 driver.
And she seemed to be getting a kick out of it. Have you noticed the number of female bikers in the city lately?
Have you noticed how rude female drivers have become on the roads? Of course, they will say they learnt from the best, but I have begun to think that women actually admire us whether we are behaving badly or like gentlemen.
All along, the gender war was not about equality. It was about women seeking their right to piss while standing. In Germany, they have actually succeeded in making men squat when answering a short call of nature.
Gentlemen, all these changes are organic. They are happening quite fast, yet few men are noticing. Women now have an unhealthy appetite for wealth acquisition, and they have become a little impatient with slow men.
I was in a function with psychologist Chris Hart when he said that women have successfully deprived 40 per cent of the men in Kenya the right to be fathers in the four decades since independence.
The men are said to have been dropped out of the genetic pool owing to their unsuitability as fathers - drunkards, short men and other deadbeat types.
It is war. And the female kind is more ruthless, unforgiving and Darwinian in every sense of that word. Brace yourself men!
@nyanchwani [email protected]