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Why situationships always end in tears

 Why situationships always end in tears (Photo: iStock)

Say what you may, women and men are not wired the same way. Women have been conditioned to honour their emotional needs while men have been conditioned to stifle theirs. In a way that is both a blessing and a curse. Men have higher suicidal rates because they are not given the space to process and feel all their emotions and women usually get too attached to men who aren't ready to meet them where they are.

Identifying this disconnect is important as women need to learn how to protect their hearts better as they navigate situationships and hookups. These noncommittal relationships usually have huge emotional strains on women, unlike men who disregard their emotional health by moving from one sexual partner to another to drown out losing the older one or to get over the disappointment of the previous one.

I cannot say much about the psychology of men as I am not one but I do know for sure that they do not seek security in intimate relationships as women do. A non-committal relationship often works for them as long as it meets all their emotional needs and women do live up to this expectation except that it drains them internally to give so much of themselves to a guy who won't commit or who is probably seeing a coupling of more people.

They get into these situationships where you are having sex every other weekend but you are not allowed to say you like the person you are having sex with. Or where you are having sex every weekend but you are supposed to be okay with them ghosting you for two weeks in the name of being cool. You talk every day with each other every day for example, but you are not allowed to question them when they suddenly disappear for a weekend because you are not really a thing. Or you are having regular unprotected sex with them but you are not allowed to ask them not to sleep with other people even though unprotected sex puts you at the risk of sexually transmitted infections. That is no way to live and women put themselves at a disadvantage each time they buy into that con. It is basically being swindled but at an emotional level.

I could advise women to be more like men. The truth though is that we will never be men. Being in touch with our inner selves is a core part of who we are and there's nothing as emotionally tasking as going out of character to be someone you are not just so you can fit into a system that isn't working for you.

For situationships to work out, men would need to be more like women, and women would need to be more like men but that isn't feasible. Both genders carry histories driven from the social contexts of their upbringing and earlier development and it is almost impossible to change that.

What can change though, is the way women conduct themselves when they find themselves in a sexual relationship with a partner who isn't willing to commit. I am not saying be like them. I am just saying that women should be more selfish with what they give in noncommittal relationships.

Men have perfected the art of emotional vampirism. In my assessment, most of them do not like casual sex. What they like is relationships without commitment that fulfil all their needs without a clause that gives women the right to make demands or the right to hold them accountable. It is basically a con that women should learn how to identify early.

That con involves listening to them vent after a rough day at work without being offered the same intimacy, spending weekends together, vacationing, talking every day, going out regularly, and sometimes even having kids in a setting that does not allow you to ask where you stand or where the relationship is going.

I am not in any way against casual sex but casual sex should not come with that much emotional intimacy. Giving too much to someone who expects you to pretend you are not emotionally attached is why situationships always end in tears for women.

A man should not desire a solid relationship if he lacks the willingness to commit to it.

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