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The man of the house is hitting on me


I am a house girl in one of the posh estates in Mombasa.  I know I am pretty because men tell me so. I have a very good employer who treats me well.  She is married and has two children. I have been with this family for three years. The problem is that my employer’s husband has been hitting on me for a year. Though he is persistent, I have never given in to his demands. He always sneaks back to the house to come and disturb me. Should I tell mama about this? 



Ndunge, you have no option but to tell the mama the truth. One year is a long period entertaining this. Come out clean before she suspects you. Be aware that moment you disclose this then that will mark the end of your stay in that house.  Be cautious about this issue. Good luck.

(Ouma Ragumo- Sifuyo)

 The way forward is simple. Stand by your principles and say no to your employer’s sexual advances. Tell him if he wants to have an affair with you he should tell his wife first.  I am sure he will not agree to that. But just be firm with him and if he insists, report him to his wife. Be ready to lose your job, if you come clean.

(Onyango Outha Jauduny)

Telling mama the truth is a bad idea because she will fire you. She will just assume that you are the one who has tempted the husband and the solution is to keep you away from him.

 (Barmao Dan Barsh)

How about turning the story around and we say you are the one who has been trying to get his attention. His wife will find it easy to believe him and you will lose your job. If you cannot stop the man, resign and get yourself another job.

(Tasma Charles)

Keep quiet about the situation and continue resisting the man’s advances. Telling the wife might result in her breaking up with the husband since she may think that you have actually slept with the man. The other option is to resign.

(Oyoo Wycklife, Annex)

Giving in to his sexual demands will destroy your employer’s marriage. At the same time, telling your employer about this might mark a starting point for problems in that family and will even lead to you losing your job. Tread carefully on this matter.

 (Elvis Ogola-Seku)


It is good that you have not given in to your employer’s sexual demands. You therefore need to categorically tell that man that you are not interested in him. If he insists, you must resign and get another job. Do not tell mama about it because it may raise problems of trust in her marriage.

 (Hudson K Okari —Narok)


Ndunge, you don’t have many options in this situation because all of them will lead to you losing your job. If you talk to the madam of the house about this, you will create a rift between you and her or between the couple. 

This leaves you with only one option — talking to the man. Make it clear to him that you are ready to quit if he does not stop his sexual advances.

To him, you are not a house help but a beautiful lady who has refused to give into his sexual demands.

This gives you a lot of power over him and you will automatically lose it if you give in to his demands.

He has a mix of feelings (fear and respect) towards you. I emphasise that you should not be afraid of him.

If he does not stop, inform him that you will quit. If madam asks why you are leaving, come clean. 

Last, do not be afraid of losing that job because you will get a better one elsewhere.


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