Dear Coleen: I feel guilty about lying to my mum over a boy

I feel really bad because I don’t want to lose her trust, as that’s what happened when I lied to her before.

Dear Coleen

I’m a 14-year-old girl and I feel guilty because I’ve lied to my mother. I told her my best friend has asked me to sleep at her place when what I plan to do is go and see my boyfriend-to-be and his mates.

I lied because I knew my mum wouldn’t let me go. I’d already asked to go to a party on New Year’s Eve and she said no. I feel really bad because I don’t want to lose her trust, as that’s what happened when I lied to her before.

I really want to see this boy, though. I know I’ll be responsible, but if I tell her there will only be boys there, she’ll totally freak out.

Also, I don’t know if I should tell my best friend I’m going in case my mum calls her. What do you think?

Coleen says

I think you are going to ruin things between you and your mum, and you definitely shouldn’t ask your friend to cover for you – it’s really unfair to put her in that position.

What if your mum does call her and asks to speak to you? Or what if there is some drama on the night or your mum finds out? Your friend will feel terrible. Don’t drag her into this.

Also, think about why your mum says no to certain things. It’s because she loves you and wants to protect you – that’s her job. She is not your enemy. And it’s not necessarily that she doesn’t trust you, but she doesn’t know this boy or his friends well enough. Why should she trust them?

And, while we’re on the subject, how well do you really know this chap if he’s your ‘boyfriend-to-be’. Is that what he’s promised you? Why are there no other girls at this party and why can’t you take some friends?

My advice is don’t go and don’t lie to your mum. Have a chat with her about gaining more freedom and maybe you can come to a compromise. And if you’re serious about dating this boy, why not invite him over so your mum can get to know him?