Last week one of my boys called us for a night of beer and nyama choma at his back yard. What a great night it was, but most importantly we learnt a great lesson. Where beer and barbeque are in plenty, the boys are also quite happy. This is what makes the ‘B’ trilogy in boys’ day out: Beer, barbeque and babes!
The occasion was spiced up by some women who came in to “balance out the scales and equations”, as my pal put it. I know your mind has now wandered into the drain, that’s awful. That just goes to prove that you as an individual are already rotten in the head and you are due for factory ‘reset’! Anyway, there was nothing sinister with these women invited. It was pretty much a very much crowd of people who respect each other. So get out of the debauchery lane, okay? Well, as the night progressed and the beer flowed forth freely with its full froth, one of the women opened up about how some women play men like key notes on a piano.
She revealed that she knows several women who have four regular men in their lives. Each of these four men have very distinctive role in the women’s lives, it is more like a jigsaw, if you remove one of them, you upset the balance of things and you mess up the entire support system.
To our utter shock, she revealed that a good number of women in their lives have a gay man, a male friend, a ‘sponsor’ and ‘the driller’! Now before you mix up matters here, the male friend and “the driller” have very distinct roles. While the driller well...he does the, umm, drilling, the male friend is that man who offers the father figure to her children.
He is the man that will be called upon in times of emergencies to talk to a difficult child, he will be called upon to take the children out to the malls, movies and on Saturday afternoon outings while she ‘hustles’. Make no mistake, this man cannot go beyond a hug and the woman is firm about that. The man drives his drive and desire to be around from a mistaken belief that he is working himself towards her innermost part of her heart. Duh! The brother has his compass tilted the wrong way.
The ‘sponsor’, of course, is the financier of her home stead. He complements her day job. But while he regards himself as the paramount chief in the homestead, he most often than not is too old, or too fat or too pre-occupied with chasing plots along the Eastern by-pass to provide a meaningful and fulfilling life in the bedroom. That is why his duties must be outsourced to the ‘driller’.
The ‘driller’ is often a ‘Ben 10’ sort of a guy. Reckless as they come, party animal, a lover of life and ultimately a podium finisher when it comes to ‘bedminton’ and other bedroom games. The fact that he pays for nothing, including drinks, makes him know that all the payments must be calibrated in one area and he sure puts in an Olympic performance each time he is called upon to deliver.
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He knows his performance appraisal is barely in between sheets. So where does that leave our gay friend? He has his space assured in the woman’s schedule. He is the safe guy that the woman knows they can do coffee countless times and he will not ask for benefits. He is happy to listen to all the women’s tales and habits and this comes handy when he goes fishing in gay dens. So the relationship is a ‘dual carriageway’.
Every straight man’s concern should be, which role does he play in the women in his life? Are you the ‘sponsor’, the trusted male friend or the ‘driller’? Let us do our homework gentlemen before you plunge in full flight.