To parents, your words have power

Watching your child develop language is one of the rewards of parenthood. However, this joy soon turns into distress when you suddenly hear her cursing and swearing. Since a child doesn’t have a well-developed moral understanding, the blame for most instances of children under the age of three or four using foul language can be laid at the door of adults or older children.

A pre-school child who, entering an untidy room, puts her hands on her hips, furrows her brow and reprimands the occupants with ‘what kind of a mess is this!’ is certainly mimicking adult behaviour that she has witnessed. She is unlikely to have any idea of what the words actually mean.

If you hear your child swear, you will probably react in one of the following ways:

-With uncontrollable laughter. The absurdity of her using adult language can seem comical, even though you disapprove of the language itself, and you may burst out with laughter. Unfortunately, she may interpret this as your approval of swearing.

- By giving her a severe reprimand. You may be so annoyed that you strongly reprimand her, with the aim of ensuring she doesn’t use these words again. But this strategy may backfire. If you draw undue attention to swearing, she will immediately realize that a swear-word is a special word with a special effect — and that it is a good way to get your attention. This awareness may make her want to continue swearing.

-By ignoring her. This is probably the best way to deal with an incident of swearing at this age. The chances are that she has only used the word casually and that it will quickly pass out of her vocabulary. A school-age child is often attracted to swearwords precisely because adults use them, and she thinks that by adopting grown-up mannerisms she will become more grown-up herself. But she also knows the distinction between a ‘good’ word and a ‘naughty’ word. So explain to your child that swearing is something neither children nor adults should indulge in, and that other children may not want to play with her if she swears.

As a parent, you are your child’s role model and it is your responsibility to set the standard, therefore, make sure you are not swearing yourself.

Make it clear that other people curse and swear, then emphasize that your family doesn’t believe in using bad language. Explain that swear words hurt other people’s feelings. Tell her that just as hitting or kicking can hurt people, words are equally effective weapons that can leave emotional bruises. Explain to her that when children swear, it makes people think badly of them and gives them a poor reputation. To discourage her, react negatively to foul language. For instance, say, “That’s a filthy word” and recommend alternate means of expression. Convince her that cursing is unnecessary and teach her non-violent words to use when angry.

Never tell her that swearing is something only adults are allowed to do. You can’t prevent her from hearing others swear when she is outside the house. But setting a good example yourself will provide her with an alternative model to imitate.