Help your man out

By Getrude Mungai

To many women, it is annoying when the man asks for sex every night, especially in the middle of the night.

The woman finally gives in with the hope that since she has fully woken up, he will make it up to her. Sadly, he lasts for a few minutes then proceeds to sleep soundly.

Meanwhile, a passionate fire has been stirred in the wife, leaving her hanging, awake. While tossing and turning, she thinks, she is the most unlucky woman on earth, but is she really?

On the flip side, there is a woman who wishes her husband would interrupt her sleep for some action. Due to changes in lifestyle, low libido in men has become commonplace. A sizeable number of men, especially after 40 years, are the ones now faking headaches. Women now find themselves in unfamiliar positions where they have to beg for sex — a very difficult proposition to most women.

Sex appeal

When the man is not interested in sex, it affects his woman on many levels. After she establishes there is no other woman in the picture, she starts reflecting. She might start blaming herself by thinking she is no longer attractive due to weight, age, less sex appeal, is lousy in bed or even smells unpleasantly. Subsequently, it affects her self- esteem, making her feel unwanted. This sadness could lead to depression and anger.

Some women deal with this situation by burying their heads in work, children, and church or seeking solace in friends and family.

In rare occasions, some women simply get a lover, especially when the husband becomes mean and abusive. Most women who turn to extra-marital affairs are the ones whose spouses use their low libido as a weapon to oppress them; making it easier for the wives to cheat.

The most difficult situation for a wife is where all other aspects of the marriage are great; the husband is loving, caring and supportive. The only problem is that he has no desire. In such a scenario, the wife might think she is asking for too much.

A woman can tolerate the situation for years, but with time, lack of sexual intimacy starts to erode the relationship and other spheres.

great meal

Wives would also do well to talk to their husbands on how the situation is affecting them. Such talks should not be conducted in the bedroom and especially not after a failed attempt, as that is when his ego has taken a beating. You also don’t want the bedroom to be associated with the failure. You must be as positive as possible and make it about the two of you. Talking about your insecurities will not only comfort him to realise that it is not just him suffering but that you care about your marriage.

Pick a time and place where he is most relaxed, preferably after a great meal. Remember, there are no quick fixes; going back to normal will take time and encouragement.

As for those wives who are constantly faking headaches or sleeping in jeans to keep off the husbands, count your blessings.