Secrets of a great marriage

By Getrude Mungai

Many women and men are aware their relationships and subsequently their sex lives are in trouble, but they can't put a finger to the problem. Thus I am always faced with the challenge of people seeking my help although they don’t know what is ailing their marriage.

In most cases, they ask for ideas on advanced sex positions while forgetting to get to the root cause of the problem.

I have a guidebook that I use to determine the status of such marriages. The guide has five sections and include the following:

Five steps to a happy union

Me, myself and I

I believe that only when we truly love and accept ourselves can we love others. It is, therefore, paramount to love ourselves first. We need to appreciate our bodies no matter the shortcomings.

Let us use our weaknesses to emphasise our strengths. Turn those love handles into soft cushions your partner is proud to hold.

We must also understand our bodies and how they work so we can instruct our spouses to respond effectively to our needs.

Understanding his/her language of love

After shedding all inhibitions, let your hair down and allow your spouse to see you for who you truly are. If he/she still loves you then he/she is your soul mate.

The language of love is how we show love, affection and appreciation for each other. Take time to understand each other’s expression of love, which varies from bringing meat or flowers home to buying plots in Ruai. Take care of the small details and you will find in each other’s arms warmth, comfort and security, which form an unbreakable bond.

Communication

Communication is key to tackling all problems. Understanding your partner helps you communicate better. Thus, you will know when and how to talk to each other. With great communication, couples can address any issue in their marriage.

Bagger boos

Now that you are assured of your partner’s love and understanding, find a way to deal with the myriad problems life will throw at your marriage such as finances, pregnancy, children, in-laws and house helps amid other responsibilities. Remember these problems will be insurmountable if these issues sections are not taken care of.

The art of lovemaking

After you have tackled the pressing issues above, you will both feel secure, loved and valued. This is the ideal time to inject fun in your marriage through play and seduction. Here, innovation is key and the mind is the biggest sex accessory, so use it well. With play comes subsequent bliss.

Whatever stage you are at, communication, not karma sutra positions, is the key to a long happy and fulfilling marriage. Remember there are times when you as a couple will backslide. When this happens, don’t despair. Just start afresh and learn from the experiences.

I wish you success in your marriages.