Friendships ended by marriage

By Julie

Marriage lost me some friends; but it has also gained me some.

During my first year of marriage, I discovered life with my friends could not go on as normal. My circumstances had greatly changed and no matter how much I tried to be the same person, I couldn’t. Who knew adding the title Mrs can so transform your life?

For a few months, I found that I had few friends. My old batch of single ladies just didn’t fit in with my new lifestyle; and I was too timid and green to form new friendships with other married women.

I decided not to fret about it and let nature take its course. Nature has a way of balancing itself. Now, when I look at those people who dropped off my life (or those that I intentionally cut off), I can say I, and my marriage, are the better for it.

They were either people who influenced me to make some crazy and unhealthy lifestyle choices — like partying all night, hanging out with weird characters or disrespecting myself and those who mattered to me, and being generally goalless. Or they drained me — in my values, finances, and morale.

One of my closest friends dropped out of my life four weeks to my wedding because she wasn’t happy for me; and was anything but supportive when I needed her most. I could not stand a friend who was out to frustrate my biggest dream, so I told her good riddance.

There were other friends who could not understand the new place I was in life. Now I had to leave a party at 7pm because I had a family to take care of; I had to consult someone before I could give a nod to the Sunday hangout, and if the one being consulted said no, then I wasn’t coming — what single girl wants to hang out with a woman with such baggage?

When I couldn’t keep on as old times, they slowly pulled away and soon we discovered that months were rolling by before we saw each other. Then we had little to talk about and long awkward silences led to hasty retreats.

But when I look at the new people in my life, they are all people interested in my being happy; but greater than my own happiness, they are interested in the health of my marriage; they would not be afraid to hurt me if only to save my marriage. For that, I respect them. They have put themselves out as examples, mentors, and as sounding boards.

I wish I could reassure you that your old batch of girls will always be there. They could, but also they may turn out like mine. Embrace the new life. It’s different, but you will love the new you.