I think Mammito is a confused persona who adds no value to this country... bure kabisa - Comedian Zeddy

 Comedians Zeddy and Mammito take on each other Photo: The Standard

ZEDDY:

P: How would you describe Mammito?

Z: She is simply everything that is wrong with this country... let’s look no further.

P: What do you make of her name?

Z: An immature woman full of shenanigans for the sake of publicity.

P: Mammito in a contest?

Z: An eating competition would suit her best. She would score a First Class Honours in OF – (overindulgence in food).

P: Imagine her with a bald head?

Z: I can’t.... I refuse to.

P: As a tout?

Z: She would be Mama Pima plying a worn-out Githurai 45 mathree.

P: If it were not for acting?

Z: She would be a street hawker specialising in selling pesticide mainly dawa ya mede (cockraoch killer).

P: Her ideal man would be?

Z: A staunch Luhya watchman. So she can have time to gossip the whole day while he is asleep.

P: As a Nigerian actress?

Z: She would be the Kenyan arrogant version of Mama G who plays the role of a witch, with aspiring witchdoctors being her fans.

P: If you were in her shoes what would you change?

Z: I would stop wearing heels considering she is unfamiliar with them.

P: Given a chance what methods would you use to discipline her?

Z: I would make her do a collabo with the mix master DJ Crème de la Crème before a Team Mafisi audience to see who wins.

P: As a church leader?

Z: She would be Rev, Prof, Mamitho of Other Peoples Money Ministries with the slogan pay as you receive.

P: Unleash a diss for her?

 

Z: Mamito is too talkative that she would end up redeeming the most Bonga points in a shangwe muchene competition.

MAMMITO

P: How would you describe Zeddy?

M: A confused persona who adds no value to this country... bure kabisa!

P: What do you make of her name?

M: A person who lags behind in everything... hence the letter Z.

P: Zeddy in a contest?

M: She would end up in none since all sponsors would automatically pull off all the gigs... thanks to her.

P: Imagine her with a bald head?

M: Ahaaaa.... she would be the female version of Ivory Coast football player Gervinho.

P: As a tout?

M: She would be Lady Ziggyzwang of Wale Wabaya crew specialising in overcharging rangi ya thao (light skinned) customers.

P: If it were not for acting?

M: She would be a fake witchdoctor claiming to solve all human problems including healing chronic diseases.

P: Her ideal man would be?

M: Brother Ocholla. They would end up breaking and making up upon realising that they have sent obscene text messages to the wrong people.

P: As a Nigerian actress?

M: She would be the unseen scary character with the evil laughter.... she would never appear on screen – no! More so for the sake of children.

P: If you were in her shoe what would you change?

M: Everything she is not.

P: Given a chance what methods would you use to discipline her?

M: I would encourage her to continue being an ardent Chelsea football fan. The fact that they are being whipped is good punishment enough.

P: As a church leader?

M: She would be Dr, physician, Apostle Kazedi of Run for Your life Ministries with the slogan guided missles for those who don’t give huge offerings.

P: Unleash a diss for her?

M: Zeddy is so shagmodoz hadi ako na game ya kulima kwa phone (her phone has a game for digging).