Doing it solo: Four single dads share their triumphs and struggles

Unlike single mothers, very little is said about dads who take on parenting alone. Meet four dads who proudly raise their children alone as they share their struggles and triumphs with GARDY CHACHA.

Solomon Kimotho, an accountant and a father to a 17 year- old- Jeanette Muthike

I have been a single father to my daughter for the last seven years.

She was 10 when her mother and I parted ways through a divorce. Initially, she stayed with her mother but asked to move back with me after two years.

The divorce affected her. She kept asking for explanations on why mum and dad stayed apart. She wanted the details. I didn't want to burden her with the truth, so I told her that I would give her the complete lowdown when she was grown.

Regardless, she sunk into some mild depression and when she joined Form One, I had to hire a nanny to help me watch over her as she underwent treatment.

Our relationship is one of openness. She tells me everything she feels she would need to talk to me about.

As an adolescent, she confided in me and we had open discussions about what she was going through. I didn't lie to her and no matter how uncomfortable a subject was, we tackled it. I am her father after all.

I was happy that she felt comfortable asking questions on reproductive health and a woman's body. Gave me assurance that she would always let me into her life and share whatever she was going through at whatever phase of her life.

It has been a beautiful journey. She is now in the university.

Two months ago, I remarried. But before doing so I had talked to her about my intentions and prepared her psychologically. She received the news well and was happy for me.

My daughter is my best friend. It can be difficult being a single father to a daughter but I guess for me the trick has been to be very honest with each other in the father-daughter relationship.

Nicholas Maina, a policeman and father to a 21- year- old Samuel Mwangi

I lost my wife and mother of my son in 2008 through an illness. The boy was 12 at the time and in boarding school.

For some reason, I felt that the society blamed me for my wife's death. It made me feel the true weight of being a widower. But I had more urgent matters to take care of – raising my son. I accepted what was to be; that I would have to be both mother and father to him.

When my wife was alive, she visited our son in school often. I was always more engrossed in my work. My wife's death forced me to actively start making the school visits. I found myself often asking for permission to visit my son.

Though our relationship had been good, it got better. We became friends. I had to bring myself to his level, at a place I could participate in his conversations and listen to his stories.

We did chores in the house together. We cooked together and I taught him how to care for himself. When I felt that he needed a 'mother figure' to talk to about girls, I created time for him to meet and talk to my female friends and sometimes his aunties.

I found out from other sources that Samuel feared that I would marry another woman to replace his mother, and him too in the process. It is what his peers probably kept telling him.

So we sat down and I made a promise to him. That I wouldn't remarry until he was done with his high school education.

He is now 21 and in college. I am dating someone now. I kept my promise to him. It wasn't easy though. There was a time I considered remarrying but I remembered that we had a deal.

My son and I are very good friends. Before my relationship turns into marriage I am hoping that he will have graduated and started off his own life.

I have learnt that to be a successful single father, you ought to create space where you and your child have to interact with other children and their families. It offers a sense of normalcy.

Abel Mmunga, an actor and father to Ruth Matete

I had Ruth Matete out of wedlock. Her mother married someone else afterwards.

When Ruth was about seven, her mother got ill and died. I took Ruth in to live with me and my then wife.

My daughter and my wife never quite clicked. I learnt from neighbours that my wife was abusive to Ruth. She molested her and relationship was difficult to say the least.

One day, my wife packed up and left home. That was the first time I was left with Ruth alone. It was my chance to be both her mother and father.

I have to admit that life was difficult right away. I had to create time for her while also working hard to fend for her. I had to make sure that she was attending a good school, that she had shelter over her head, that she had medication when ill and that she felt safe and protected.

It was especially difficult because she was a girl growing up with a male parent.

We soon cultivated an open relationship. We talked about everything; from contraception, boys, sexually transmitted diseases, protection... and so on. There was nothing we couldn't discuss.

There was a time, as she was going through puberty, she grew rebellious. I had to employ a tough hand and even use a cane.

Today, Ruth is grown and independent. We are the best of friends. She is actually more of a friend than a daughter. She still confides in me – even when it comes to matters boys.

After my wife left, I sat down with Ruth and promised her that I would never marry again until she was grown and done with school. I am not in a relationship but I am only 53 – I can't rule it out.

My daughter has even told me that I need to find someone to settle down with because she thinks I am too lonely.

Ruth is known for her public career as a musician. Sometimes she gets bad press and I am always on her side – especially when the reports are baseless and have not even an iota of truth.

When she is in the wrong I have always defended her but also reprimanded her in private where I have felt there is a lesson for her to learn.

Simon Mwangi a pastor, father of 4 daughters; Eve Wanjiku (25), Rebeccah Wanjiru( 24), Becky Ciro (18) Precious Wairimu (12) and a son Adam Ndegwa (22)

On March 6, 2017, we will be celebrating seven years since the death of my wife and the mother of my children. She passed away after a five-year battle with cancer.

It has been an epic seven years. Initially I didn't know what to do but I was faced with taking up the mother role immediately.

I had very little time to accomplish everything that needed to be accomplished. I had school visiting days for all of them. With my limited finances, I had to provide for all their needs.

We already had a nanny even before my wife's death and following her death, Eve, our eldest, took over the role of overseeing nanny's work at home. She even conducted interviews for the new ones.

The greatest challenge I faced was having no one to share with about my day's happenings in the evening like I was used to. I was lonely.

With five children to look after, I had to go back to the drawing board and create a priority list so that nothing fell through the cracks.

To spend more time with my children, we came up with family days out on Fridays and sometimes on Sundays.

I had challenges addressing my daughters' problems as they hit puberty and began getting their monthly periods. There was a time I took them to the hospital only for me to learn that what they were going through was normal biology.

Then they reached an age where they started noticing boys. That was very difficult for me. I also took to the task of accompanying them to the hair salon and waiting as they were attended to. I felt stretched to my limits but I love them and it was on me to do it.

I have to say though that I couldn't have made it without help from members of the congregation that I minister to. Some volunteered to take my kids out and that greatly helped. I could consider remarrying later.

My objective throughout the seven years has been to get the children to a point where they would have achieved a good education and have some stability. They will be proud that I took care of them first before getting someone else to do it.

 I look at my life in three 'P's; person, parent, pastor. Of the three, I think I have had to sacrifice the 'person' to take on the other two roles.

Now I want to start thinking about myself too. I want to have some me time and go to the gym and have a life of my own.