Budding slay queens: 10 types of people you will meet online

 [Photo: Courtesy]

It is no secret that the loneliest of people find solace on social media platforms. Social media has turned out to be such an addiction.

This week, we look at the 10 types of people you are likely to encounter online:

 1. Online biashara experts

They are usually the people with the ‘best tips’ on how to earn money online; effortlessly and real quick.

They exaggerate the amounts one can earn in the comfort of their home. To make the whole lie look believable, they will pose next to expensive cars (that they have borrowed) and don expensive borrowed suits. Most of them have no idea what a business plan looks like!

2. Philosopher wannabes

They are the ‘wise men.’ Their social media pages are usually flooded with words of wisdom and encouragement. They will quote Italian philosopher and theologian Aquinas and act all intelligent. But a closer look will reveal that most of them didn’t even clear uni and are struggling in life.

3. Power-hungry fellows

Greed for power is evident in all levels in life. These deputies are normally admins of  several  groups. They  have  a  thirst  for  power and that is how they try to quench it. They  form  several  groups, proud to be admin and add people randomly so that they can feel that they are in control. As  if that is not enough, they  will jot  down  group rules and expect everyone to adhere to them and worst still, attack you when you leave the  group.

4. Daktari digital

They are fond of forwarding photos of sick people demanding likes and ‘Amens,’ claiming  that they will be healed. They will be the first ones to dish out advice on various treatment and the latest dawa to cure kaswende. 

5. Fake it till you make it

These types of people can pay a  fortune for a professional photo shoot so that they may brag on Facebook, while in the real sense, their lives are falling apart. They spend hours cropping, editing and filtering photos to bring out an epic lifestyle that can only be in their dreams.

6. Don’t even exist

They buy loads of bundles to feel the warmth of being online. They hardly comment, share or like posts and their social media life is sedentary. All they do is sit back, relax and scroll.

7.  Budding slay queens

They post photos of themselves in the company of men of great influence in society. They hang out with wenye kusema with the hope of looking rich.

 8. Stalkers

He came in and left like a thief. Sounds familiar? They usually have a thirst for knowledge, especially when it comes to people’s lives. They are usually spectators and also play the role of an audience to their followers and friends. He will perfectly trace the line of a whole generation, tell you about the newest couples in town and bitterly narrate to you the life of his ex.

9. Mister Lonely

 Their profiles normally indicate that they are divorcees or separated from their wives while in the real sense, they are married to stubborn wives. They spend hours texting random girls, asking for some ‘weekend getaway’. They have a way with words and hence can chew a slew of girls

10. Con men

Most of them pose as Indians who want to deliver some parcel too since you will be his “future wife”. He gives a list of the things he will buy you, all of the things you always dream of - an iPhone, golden necklaces and loads of cash - yet he will insist that he has no clearance fee. Once you send the clearance fee to the said port, you soon realize you have been duped.