What California (read America) is today, the world is tomorrow,” is an old cliché that reminds me of America’s cultural might and how every trend that starts there, almost always ends up around the world. Africa, which long sacrificed its traditions, is often hit the hardest by these trends.
Earlier this year, a General Social Survey in America discovered that millennial women have higher infidelity rates than men. The study discovered that 11 per cent of married women aged between 18 and 29 years have cheated on their spouses, compared to 10 per cent of men.
I wish we had a similar survey in Kenya. But we don’t. From interactions with millennial men and women, I think the study is accurate, at least for millennials who live in urban areas.
They listed a number of reasons for high infidelity rates in America, such as Democrats (no surprise) being more likely to cheat than Republicans, because of their liberal attitudes.
Others include growing up with a single parent (some single parents rarely care about sexual mores and can do bad things in front of their children), people who don’t attend religious services, people with college education and feminism.
What about Nairobi? From my conversations, here are some of the reasons women have given for their wayward behaviours:
For starters, they got tired of the cheating ways of their men. Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander. Apparently, for some women, rather than confront their men about their cheating ways, they opt to have their side affairs in peace, and this gives the family stability, of course until the man discovers and all hell breaks loose.
Millennial women are super vengeful and armed with some feminism ideals, the habit has spread among women and is often the subject in many chama meetings.
And there are two classes of women: those who sanction affairs, and those opposed to them. Those who support the affairs most likely have a university degree, drink and have a very liberal attitude.
There used to be a time when women would feel guilty after an affair. But increasingly, I am meeting women with no sense of guilt and who have numbed their conscience to a point of being inhuman.
A human being with no conscience is a scary person. No wonder, some women kill their spouses? I believe a woman who cheats on her man would probably kill the man.
What I have learned is that it is mostly innocent men who get cheated on, not the unfaithful ones.
Secondly, increasingly, there is a bunch of women who are complaining that their husbands are boring. People rarely change. When these women married their men, they knew what they were signing up for. But maybe they were under the pressure of their biological clocks or got an ‘accidental’ pregnancy, or was after the man’s money. Five years later, and two children, the man is suddenly a bore.
Thirdly, there is peer pressure. With the proliferation of porn, sex therapists and books such as 50 Shades of Grey, most educated millennials think they have a right to an orgasm.
There is a widely shared video of an extremely hot Kenyan woman who says she has never had sex with her husband, and now she is suing to ensure she is properly serviced. Apparently, one can sue, or make that to be grounds for divorce.
But with chamas and the ‘go-go-girl attitude’ that guides most millennial women, a majority of them are searching for the elusive big-O, and are experimenting with everything - from toys to gym instructors and exes.
Fourth, living in cities, the ubiquity of technology and work have given perfect cover for women to unleash their darker side that was curtailed by being domesticated for so long.
Fifth, most millennial men are struggling financially, and a broke man cannot have an erection. Hence, they are naturally disciplined.
Most monied millennial women have access to sex whenever and wherever they want. Also, the few loaded men can change women like we change kids’ diapers. So, most men are forced into monogamy and faithfulness, while women run riot.
What does it mean to society, when more women cheat than men? Divorce rate rises. There’s an upsurge of single mothers.
Sexually transmitted diseases become the order of the day. A total breakdown of societal mores become common place. Crime rate shoots up.
Cheating breaks down families, which breaks down societies. It is wrong when men cheat. But women cheating is not the solution. Two wrongs don’t make a right.