Kenyan men: This is why slay queens are avoiding you like plague

 It is embarrassing [Photo: Courtesy]

Dear Kenyan men, you need to up your game. Women are really suffering bwana! Eish! From lousy sex, kujiachilia to poor manners, things are going south fast every single day. By the way, what is it that you do at the gym?

Men with  six-packs are so few in this country! Most women in Kenya have never seen, let alone touch, abs on a living, breathing human being of the male gender in Kenya. I’m even scared I might confuse some rib defects for six-packs!

How are we supposed to have erotic fantasies if the men around us are all weighed down by flabby bellies? Even young men in their 20s are have sagging, loose skin on their arms and man boobs from all the fat they are storing.

You guys are totally throwing slay queens off their game. See, young ladies keep sponsors for money and younger men for smashing. But what happens now that the supposed studs are looking flabbier, you cannot tell the difference.

It’s like men have stopped caring about their general appearance, which is quite sad because there is no sex toy supply to keep all Kenyan women satisfied.

You don’t even seem to care about personal hygiene and grooming anymore. Seems like chasing money is more important. And with the prevailing cold, men are not short of excuses to skive bathing. They just spray a litre of deodorant and off they go! 

Some men look so smart on the outside, but when they drop their pants, you would be left wondering if what’s lodged on their crotch is a hairy rodent with a shaved tail!

Their relationship with razors ends at the kinyozi, where they probably frequent because of the large-boobed girl who massages their scalp afterwards. 

Their true character rears its ugly head when it comes to interpersonal relationships. When a lady isn’t impressed by the money the man has, you throw them completely off their game.

  Because as much as Kenyan men claim ladies are only interested in their money, they forget it’s because that’s the only thing they are offering.

Rarely would you find a man who can have a meaningful conversation with a woman about goals, challenges or the pains and joys of life. A date with a Kenyan man often turns into a circus about his bank balance and prowess in bed.

If it were even remotely possible to have a mute sexual relationship with someone, Kenyan men would celebrate. What might define a great relationship for a man is having this lady whom they can text, “Sex, 7pm”; get there, have sex in silence, then drift off into sleep without the ‘awkward’ pillow talk. Too bad women are a talkative lot who have to vent.  

Secretly, most Kenyan men harbour chauvinistic traits and you will find them evaluating the modern woman from notes handed down from their great grandmother, forgetting that back then, the man used to be the sole breadwinner.

Nowadays, a woman pulls her financial weight in the house, so you  should not expect her to change all the diapers.

Independence in a woman scares the shit out of them. Try picking a tab on a date and there is a high chance you will never hear from him again.

You can see from the way ladies who seem to be doing well are shamed online -  calling them all kinds of derogatory names that suggest they got to where they are coz they are vagina traders.

In the house, women are kept at arm’s length. Men don’t evn share their big plans because women’s ideas don’t matter.

Romance was born in France but buried in Kenya. Holding a door or pulling out a chair for a lady may seem insignificant, but it goes a long way (unless she is a toxic feminist).

Kenyan men simply do not know what they want. They play musical chairs with women and lose the good ones without an ounce of guilt.

Men, you better style up, or pretty soon you will be banging loaves! And for Christ’s sake, stop wearing shorts over boxers!