What you need to know about 'self-pleasuring' and Samantha the sex doll

"What do you think about Samantha?" someone asked me yesterday.

Samantha is one of the newest sex dolls for adults.?

I have witnessed a lot of uproar about the sex dolls, for me, I see something deeper, I see adults crying inside. Are we listening?

The reason why masturbation, dildos, sex toys have been on the rise is more than just because we live in a liberal society but because many adults are stuck and don't know what to do.

Romantic relationships have become so complicated, painful and stressful. Many people are born into broken homes and so end up having a difficult childhood, and then once they grow up, their love-life turns sour.

Many people are hurting because they struggle to relate to a fellow human being. It is frustrating to want to love but don't know how to love or don't know who cares to be loved. The world has kept us so busy with issues, money chasing, a cutthroat marketplace and career building to the point that many adults actually don't know how to relate to another adult. The only time most of us relate to a grown adult is when we want something from them - a job, money, sex or prestige.

We go to school, Colleges and Universities to be trained to be pilots, lawyers, bankers, doctors, nurses; but where do we go to learn how to relate with others, leave alone someone from the opposite gender. This is why I have written the book MANHOOD SERIES, for men to understand themselves and get to understand women, and the book WOMANHOOD SERIES for women to understand themselves and men.

For some, when they do attempt to be friends with other adults, they get stabbed in the back. When they attempt to get into a relationship leading to marriage, they get heartbroken or they struggle; then they go into hiding, trusting no one and so self-pleasure to find sexual release becomes what they do in secret, away from the potential of being hurt by other people.

Those who were in a relationship before and tasted sex and are now single and scared of trusting someone else, they wonder what to do with their sexual urge and so they self-pleasure as they hurt in secret. Hiding your hurt in self-pleasure doesn't deal with the issue and doesn't heal you.

There are those who are in their 30s, 40s, 50s and have never had a serious relationship plus are scared of approaching a fellow adult for a relationship. They feel rusty and clueless on how to engage someone, and so they hide and use their hands to rub up to escape the poor relationship with others, and perpetually remain alone.

I have counseled many women who are married but because they have a pathetic relationship with their husband, they are using dildos or hands to masturbate. But eventually, they have grown tired and feel wasted and angry.

What is the point of having a husband who can function but with whom relating to is difficult? There are also men with a fragile relationship with the wife because they are hiding in masturbation or the wife hides in self-pleasure singing "I don't need a man"

A dildo, masturbation and sex toys are counterfeits. You might run to them to fill what a human being was supposed to give you, but eventually, they will ruin you and drive you deeper into isolation.

If you have been self-pleasuring, you will realize that you have been living more and more in isolation. You rush home quickly from work ignoring people so that you rub yourself to an orgasm, your mind has been confused by your multiple sexual imaginations, you have been spending hours online looking at porn, you have been ignoring your spouse because you can take care of your sexual needs - you don't need him/her.

Self-pleasure makes you lazy in building relationships. You slowly lock people out of your life so that you get that high in secret. If you are single, you fail to work on yourself because you have convinced yourself you need no one and when the right one comes along, you push him/her away because you are afraid of commitment and you don't want him/her to ruin your loyalty to your self-induced orgasms. If you are married, self-pleasure makes you need and want your spouse less, you don't bother about your spouse, you are self-sufficient.

Pleasure was meant to be given to you by another person, when you give it to yourself you lock out love and you become used to it. Intimacy requires two people, you cannot be intimate with yourself. Intimacy is more than sexual. Intimacy is the conversation, the vulnerability, the care, the commitment, the nurturing. Intimacy takes time, but when you cut off intimacy from your life, you will live alone and feel empty.

This is the reason why the people who are lost to masturbation, porn, sex toys and sex dolls remain single for long, struggle in marriage, lack true friends, are afraid of commitment and easily jump ship when things get tough in a relationship.

They are so quick to push away others and be by themselves. These are the kind of people who their marriage may be crumbling but they don't care enough to do something to save it, they've taught themselves to be all alone and fight less for love.

Self-pleasure for some is pure lust and lack of self-control. For others, it is an inner cry. It is a manifestation of a deep-rooted frustration. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in it because it will destroy the bonds around you and then destroy you by pushing you into isolation.

It is time to teach yourself to love, to relate, to build something beautiful with a fellow human being. It is time to heal inside. It is time to tell God "Help me to relate to others and build meaningful relationships"