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Papa English had not smarted from last week’s fiasco at the local after mouthing that, “Nataka kulala na kuro,” yet he meant that he wanted to spend the night in Nakuru. Nyambu, the counter girl he has ‘paged,’ experienced temporary insanity as she screamed demanding to know why Papa English had craving for kulala na kuro, yet she had not even given birth.
Never mind, she plans to deliver at the Vatican, yet maternity is free under the Jubilee government of kusema na ku-tender. Nyambu has no passport and Papa English often wonders, “Kama ata swim across the Atlantic Ocean to Rome na hii ball yake!”
Sister Lucy, the wife of Papa English, never understands Nyambu’ fascination with delivering at the Vatican, where there are no maternity hospitals to begin with. She gave birth locally and often says, “Kuzaa haina class....hata Queen of England njia ya kuzaa mtaro ni moja!” as she gives Nyambu, her potential co-wife, that kinyoriro look peculiar to women from Central Kenya.
While Sister Lucy has been ignoring the fact that she’s served drinks by the same woman who is carrying her husband’s baby, her patience ran out the other day when Papa English let it known that, “Kutoka Sunday nililala usiku na musichana!”
That comment got Sister Lucy’s goat and she slapped Papa English across the face that shortly turned the colour of those red pilipilis from Kinangop. Pulling his ponytail, the woman who bravely gave birth through ‘Kiserian-Section,’ demanded to know, “Huyo msichana ni nani...umetia barmaid mimba na hutosheki...shetani!”
A bewildered Papa English explained he slept at home on Sunday “day and night” and that was when it dawned on everyone that he meant kulala usiku na mchana!
Papa English has since bought Masomo ya Msingi which he carries to the local, sipping cold Whitecaps while reading.
The other sot with issues is Kang’ethe.
His son stole his car and went for hepi, but on returning, found someone else had parked at his father’s slot. The son and his gang tried swapping the cars by kuinua the newcomer’s jalopy, but were too high and left Kang’ethe’s car at the furthest slot.
Kang’ethe now thinks he needs a mental check-ups as he can’t recall parking his rust bucket that far.
