I have been living a lie, former Project Fame contestant Kaz reveals

By Sheila Kimani (@sheilakimm)

Fame can be fickle, and many seasoned artistes will attest to that. But even with its ups and downs, many stars have been able to conquer it and remain relevant. There are those who give up and are lost in oblivion. But Karen Lucas popularly known as Kaz decided to break her silence and stop living a lie.

In a heartfelt confession she opened up saying, “I have been living a lie by living in fear. I have been so afraid of the whole world and what they think of me. I have lied to myself that I didn’t care what they thought yet the culmination of all these fears has ruled and partially ruined my life.

I am terrified to go on stage, hence this almost never ending musical hiatus. I feel like for the last 3 or 4 years, I have been waiting for life to begin, so in that way, this song is timely,” She said ahead of releasing her “Waiting for life to begin” musical cover.

Despite growing up sure that she would become a musician, Kaz felt that something about her had changed, and that it was all a fake it till you make it career.

“When I was younger, I was so convinced of what it was I wanted to be when I grew up. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to be a singer. I wish that someone had the written the guide book to this ‘glamourous’ lifestyle I chose for myself where I was quite sure that at some point in my career I would be entitled to endless supplies of silver and gold.

Yeah guys, it’s pretty much a fake it till you make it career. You spend 90% faking it. I’m still trying to make it. It’s hard, it’s painful, it’s tiring and for the absolute longest time, I’ve wanted to quit. In fact don’t get me wrong, I have quit several times. I often call myself a quitter. The fear that lives in me was even too scared to admit how scared I am. What would people think? But here I am today, taking one step. I’m singing. I’ve never believed myself to be the best, actually as time went by I convinced myself of how untalented I was and even began believing it, But now I’m fighting back! I want my confidence back,” she continued.

“There’s the little girl inside me (young Kaz) that believes I am good and talented and confident. And though I have over the years drowned her voice out, I can somewhat see her shadow in the distance as she tries to convince me of the magical powers I once possessed. I want to do art for the love of art. So with all its mistakes, this is my attempt to curb my fear of singing.”