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Imagine walking into the gents – in a pub - to release yourself of that incessant pee, and while you are at it, you realise that the ‘man’ standing next to you – also trying to empty ‘his’ bladder – is actually a woman!
That is the modern day revelation I recently had at a pub in a town I would not mention for fear of being adjudged to have instigated ethnic animosity by people who believe everyone is too careless to prepare breakfast for their own kids.
Back to the pub - and just for the record, I don’t drink alcohol, but I have a few friends (and enemies) who do. So, I was here – at the pub, where a miracle was about to happen - at the invitation of my good friends to watch the rugby World Cup game between England and Uruguay. I guess that sets the record straight with my pastor. England won 60-3, you see, I was sober. But don’t ask me about the others.
So, I get into a conversation with the man, I mean the woman, at the well. She was obviously drunk, and was having a problem reaching the well to pee, I mean like a man! In her drunken stupor, she tells me she is actually a member of some executive committee in the county government. And trust me, there is nothing wrong with a man, sorry, a woman - and an executive one - trying to have a pee like all men do.
They say that alcohol kills brain cells, but I say that it does so very selectively, given it only kills the brain cells that contain embarrassment.
“Hebu nifungulie hii zip,” she asked and staggered towards me. I offered to help her after looking at her wrinkled screen saver; it was the taste in her mouth I guess.
Note that I had only taken water, that stuff that rusts pipes. The gentleman in me offers to help Mheshimiwa to pee like a man, and who wouldn’t when I know all too well that she seats in that high voltage committee that decides when I go for a pee or a smoke – I don’t smoke anyway.
The drink had yanked Mheshimiwa out of her body and her mind before throwing her against the wall. Drinking, I think, is a form of suicide where one is allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It’s like killing yourself, and then you’re reborn. Mheshimiwa must have lived about 15,000 lives now.
So, have another pee, like a man Mheshimiwa.
