Prof. Hammo meets David the Student.

PROFESSOR HAMMO

Pulse: Describe yourself in three words?

Prof Hammo: Tall, dark and professional - but do I say...?

P: What does David the Student need to learn from you as a professor?

PH: He needs to start eating healthy, I mean those bones could hurt him, or those around him - you know he loves hugging people.

P: If you had a hundred Davids in your class, would you still consider teaching as a career?

PH: Never! I would think of it as a calling, kuna ujinga flani you need divine intervention.

P: How would you discipline him?

PH: I would make him stand before the whole school and sing a love song. The fact that he is a terrible singer would make it a comedy show. It would be known as the... Serikali Saidia comedy show.

P: Have you considered a teaching career in any of our local institutions?

PH: Yes, Mathare is one of those institutions that has great minds that could be interested in my area of expertise, which is stupidontology.

P: Can David be a dancer?

PH: I think he is the best I have seen, if you compare him to the tourists that come to our country every day. He should take dancing as a career because failure brings people to God and then maybe he can be a pastor.

P: If today were your last day on earth, how would you spend it?

PH: I would find my lawyer and take him to my church to argue for an extension, I mean I know God angeniskiza ju kuna watu wengi wana deni yangu (my pleas would be heard since there are many people who owe me). I need more time.

P: If you had one minute with Barrack Obama what would you tell him?

PH: I would look him in the eyes, tell him pole for what he saw during his visit to Nairobi and then request him to come back without this Secret Service people to see the real Nairobi.

P: Imagine David as an athlete?

PH: He would be known as Kibyego, specialising in high jump, you know how he jumps on stage. As far as winning a medal goes clearly, hawes-make.

P: Drop one mchongoano (diss) for David?

PH: Davie ni mchoyo hadi akimeza mate anaenda kujificha. (David is so stingy that he hides when he wants to swallow his own saliva)

 

DAVID THE STUDENT

P: Describe yourself in three words?

DS: God fearing, stupid and an ardent Arsenal fan.

P: Have you learnt anything useful from Prof Hammo?

DS: Nothing, considering he is a confused person. I am sure hata yeye hajielewi (he doesn’t understand himself).

P: If Hammo were your class teacher what subject would he teach?

DS: Simple, he would be my PE teacher.

P: What book do you think Prof is currently reading?

DS: Something close to finding himself and discovering his area of specialty.

P: What do you think of Prof Hammo’s hairstyle?

DS: It is said akili ni nywele, but the numerous books he carries is a clear indication that he is a useless dude.

P: If he were to do the gully-creeper, what would be the crowds’ reaction?

DS: The fact that he is already creepy makes it worse.

P: If today were your last day on Earth, how would you spend it?

DS: Shave Hammo’s hair and teach him a few tips on how to dress fashionably.

P: If you had a minute with Barrack Obama what would you tell him?

DS: Mr POTUS, where did you sleep during your visit to Kenya?

P: Imagine Prof Hammo as the most wanted thug in Kenya?

DS: Trust me he wouldn’t be of any harm to the Government... I mean who cares when you steal from a library.

P: Drop a mchongoano (diss) for Prof Hammo?

DS: No need, he is a walking mchongoano.